Virgin Mary (again)

Our Lady of the Hawaiian Necklace

Posted on August 9th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Intact Hymen Jewelry, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In July 2007 a lady who owns a Hawaiian clothing store in the San Diego area, and admittedly suffers from a really bad case of Catholicism, realized that some good publicity might help the bottom line in her ailing retail shop.

So it was that circumstances led this not even slightly skeptical person to perceive the image of an Imaginary Virginal Intact-Hymen Mommy of the Creator of the entire Universe in an ordinary seashell necklace. We bring you Our Lady of the Hawaiian Necklace.

If you look closely enough, and you impair your faculties with alcohol, drugs, or ancient bullshit superstitions, you too might be able to see the image of a perfectly intact hymen. LSD might help, or a few years of Catechism lessons.

How is it that the perfectly intact hymen of the Mother of God could exist before she gave birth to God when she and her perfectly intact hymen were required to give birth to God, who made her pregnant using Super-Sperm before he was even born?

It's a pretty neat trick making your own Mother pregnant with yourself!

If you believe this stuff, you'll believe ANYTHING!

Technorati Tags: Hymen, Pareidolia, virginity, virgins, San Diego, Marian Apparitions, Bullshit, Virgin Mary, Immaculate Conception, Catholic Church, catechism, hallucinations

4 comments.

Our Lady of the Freeway Underpass

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Obdulia Delgado, by her own admission, is afflicted with religious beliefs. She believes that invisible super pals live outside of space and time, yet somehow have voodoo like powers to control what happens in the real world. It is a very common malady for human beings to buy ancient fairy tales lock stock and barrel because their well-meaning and similarly afflicted parents slipped a bunch of preposterous ideas into their head while they were too young to evaluate fairy tales and reject them.

So it was that poor Obdulia, her brain operating on a host of false assumptions, was pre-disposed to see things that were not there and believe that they were.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, ancient fairy tales, concrete vagina

I'm not sure what you may see when you look at these road salt deposits on a concrete bridge structure, but to me it seems to resemble female genitalia. Could it be that what Obdulia Delgado really saw was Our Lady of the Concrete Vagina? That might explain the virginity angle. I don't think I know a single straight man that gets turned on by concrete.

In any case, it is clearly a case of pareidolia, innit?

1 comment.

Our Lady of the George Foreman Grill

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

In August 2006 a man in St. Louis MO was about to empty the grease tray of his George Foreman grill when he began hallucinating about a Virgin he had never met and never seen appearing in the grease stains.

Apparently there is a fairly good chance that the one born every minute could be a Catholic sometimes.

OK, sure, I can see that clearly. It is a George Forman grill grease tray, it has grease in it, and a reasonable person might conclude that someone in the John Milanos home eats meat.

This is one of the weaker instances of pareidolia, we doubt if this one will get much on eBay.

In any case, it is a good thing that Mr. Milanos was using a George Foreman grill, if he had pan fried that hamburger he could have accidentally eaten the Mother of God. Is it OK to eat a virgin? I know her son was always saying "Eat me" to people.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, george foreman, hallucinations

0 comments.

Our Lady of the V for Vendetta Looking Rock

Posted on April 4th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, eBay Virgins.

The tendency of the human mind to recognize faces in inanimate objects where they actually do not appear is called Pareidolia. We like it because it provides us ample opportunity to mock ridiculous ancient superstitions about virgin mommies with perfectly intact hymens whose impregnation provider was an invisible ghost who was not named Casper but lives in a sooper-seekrit hidden location behind the sky and is at least 6,000 years old.

When Mike Passchier of Powell River, British Columbia, Canuckistan saw this rock he saw a golden opportunity involving a potential eBay auction. Arguably Mike is either afflicted with religious delusions about virgin mothers that never once took the whole thing or he is at least familiar with these fairy tales.

My lovely husband, on the other hand, does not suffer from religious delusions at all, and he saw the lead character from the movie V for Vendetta.

If you firmly believe that no human penis ever thrust repeatedly in and out of the Sacred and Chaste Vagina Of the Virgin Mary, gaining speed, until finally with a loud cry, well you know... If you believe she got pregnant because an Invisible Ghost transported Super Sperm directly into her girly parts, well, you are perhaps likely to believe this stone is a sacred relic.

But please, try to keep your superstitions out of my civil rights.

Technorati Tags: Marian apparition, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Pareidolia, V for Vendetta, Hymen, penis, vagina, Mike Passchier, Powell River, eBay

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Storm Window Broken by a Rock

Posted on June 19th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, chromatic aberrration sightings.

Some time ago a lawn mower propelled a rock which struck a window in the home of Greg and Debbie Sapp in Jesup, GA.

The rock damaged the outer glass of the dual pane window allowing the exchange of air and eventually creating a vagina-shaped mark on the inside of the window. It's a miracle! How else can you explain the fact that a stain much like other stains in other defective dual pane windows appeared in a roughly vagina shaped form at the home of a family already afflicted with preposterous ancient superstitions about a pregnant virgin giving birth to a son who made her pregnant and was his own son, his own dad, and let's not even think about the grandfather. God the Father, God the Son, God the Virgin Child Molester - patron saint of Catholic Priests.

Pareidolia is the psychological phenomenon that manifests itself in the strong tendency of the human mind to recognize shapes that are not there. In prehistoric times, when virgins seldom got pregnant or manifested themselves inside storm windows, it may have been very useful for human vision to be especially keen at recognizing the face of a tiger lurking behind that bush over there. So evolution may have favored those primates that were especially keen at quickly recognizing a familiar face, shape, or virgin bride who never once had a stiff, hard penis thrusting powerfully in and out of her hot, juicy love canal.

Seriously though, if you were the first one in your tribe to recognize a predator about to pounce you might have had better odds of living long enough to reproduce, thus giving your tendency to recognize vague shapes better odds of being passed on.

This does not mean that every time a human mind recognizes something familiar to their imagination in a nearby object that the face or shape recognized is really there. It does seem as though only people who think this imaginary ancient mother of a popular fictional character never took the whole thing - those folks are the ones who see her in defective window panes.

And it's nice when rational people have another good reason to ridicule preposterous ancient fairy tales. At least, we enjoy it. If the Virgin Mary gave some hot looking guy a really great blow job she would still be a virgin, right? It's all about a penis going into a vagina, which, makes me wonder why so many Catholic priests speak so highly of this innocent vagina-pure imaginary lady, I mean, she was never even an altar boy.

Technorati Tags: Virgin Mary, apparition, marian apparition, pure vagina, never took it, sacred blow jobs, defective windows, Pareidolia

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Fraudulent Tears of Blood

Posted on April 23rd, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, fraudulent sightings.

An Italian Catholic church custodian is on trial in Forli, Italy for committing religious fraud. If only this was a new trend!

Of course uttering the phrase religious fraud is as redundant as saying Republican liar, but in this case the fraud was so far over the top that even the Roman Catholic Church did not exploit it for financial gain. It seems that in this case the fraud was initially successful, allowing people who wanted to believe that an underage teenage child was raped by the creator of the universe to regard the fraud as proof of their completely delusional beliefs.

Two things are different in this case. First is that the perpetrator of this religious fraud was actually caught. The second difference is that the fraud became public knowledge. It seems as though the Catholic Church really is losing control over the government of Italy. An actual criminal prosecution of a religious huckster, especially the Roman Catholic brand of huckster, would have been completely unheard of back in the days when the Catholic Church was playing footsie with the Nazis.

This seems to be another case of fraud surrounding the Imaginary Virgin Mother (already fraudulent in this first place) of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy (completely anthropomorphic and fictitious) that raped his own mother before he was born, but she never even once had sex, honest, cross my fingers and all.

Flocks of curios[sic] people hurried to Santa Lucia Church in March 2006 to take a look at the statue after several elderly female churchgoers said they saw red drops on its face.

Perhaps the fact that a person already believes in preposterous yarns make it that much easier for them to accept additional ridiculous claims.

Technorati Tags: Vincenzo Di Costanzo, Forli, Italy, Fraud, Virgin Mary, statue, blood, tears, Santa Lucia Church, apparition, miracle, Catholic Church, weeping madonna

5 comments.

Our Lady of the Chocolate Dildo

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Miraculous Virgin Mothers seem to be popping up all over the place. In Southern California a worker at a candy factory who admits she believes in ancient fairy tales discovered a miraculous Virgin Mary Dildo that was made out of 100% pure chocolate.

Don't you just wonder if it melts in your butt, not in your hands?

And does this miracle bring new meaning to the expression fudgepacker?

Who knows, it could lead to a whole new trend in eating out!

Read about it at MSNBC. And keep in mind, your sarcastic comments are always welcome here, but try not to type with your butt full.

Speaking of butts, does anybody know about any cases of Virgin Mary bowel movements being sighted by devoutly religious folks? I guess in a case like that you'd probably not want to flush before the eBay auction closes.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparition, chocolate, dildo, sex toys

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Magnetic Resonance Imaging Scan

Posted on December 6th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins.

In the year 2002 Fort Pierce, Florida resident Pamela Latrimore was suffering from severe medical problems, despite the fact that she prayed every day to her Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy and his Perfectly Holy Mommie with Unpenetrated Intact Virgin Hymen. But of course, nothing fails like prayer.

In the course of her medical treatment Pamela had an MRI scan. Six years later, when looking at a print of the MRI scan, her step-daughter, also afflicted with religious delusions, hallucinated an apparition of The Holy Virgin of MRI Scans and Virginal Vaginas.

Since her daily prayers have completely failed to improve her medical or financial situation, this imaginary sighting of the imaginary virgin mother of an imaginary invisible sky faerie will be offered for sale on eBay. There is, after all, one born every minute.

The victim of these delusions states that she feels as though she is dying. Without seeming to notice any contradiction she also states that she believes Jeebus has been listening to her prayers. Perhaps Jeebus is listening but just doesn't care, he certainly has not cured the poor lady of any of her many medical problems or her obvious religious delusions.

Technorati Tags: vagina, hymen, intact virgin, photos, marian apparition, mother of God, Virgin Mary, pareidolia, imaginary sky faerie, jeebus, virginity, unpenetrated

3 comments.

Our Lady of the Vagina Shaped Reflection on a Garage Door

Posted on September 20th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In Minersville Pennsylvania there is a house with glass windows that is across the street from a garage with a garage door. Sometimes the angle of the sun is such that the sun shines on the glass window of the house and a portion of that sunlight is reflected onto the surface of the garage door across the street. It's a miracle!

Who would have ever guessed that the angle of incidence could ever equal the angle of reflection? This proves she never took the whole thing!

It is obvious that this reflection shows us a virgin mother with perfectly intact hymen that has never once been penetrated by a penis that was attached to an old guy with a beard that created the Universe. And by comparing her Caucasian features to the extensive collection of photographs of The Holy Virgin Mother of God Who Was Made Pregnant By God and Gave Birth to God we can make a positive identification of this reflection as the actual Virgin Mary, again.

And how about that vagina shape! People that find reality too complicated and threatening can take refuge in the warm, juicy confines of her Perfectly Virginal Vagina with Intact Hymen. Then the only thing they have to worry about is whether Father O'Brien is still porking virginal altar boys down at the parish hall after Bingo every Friday night.

A Virgin Mother here, a Virgin Altar Boy there, hey, it sounds like we have everything required for a new religion. Let's call it the Holy Roman Altar Boy and Virgin Mommie Church. Dumbasses rule!

Technorati Tags: Vagina, Hymen, Altar Boys, Reflections, pareidolia, Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddies, Virgin Mothers, Marian Apparitions, stupidity, Catholicism, child rape, priests

8 comments.

Our Lady of Obviously Just a Column of Ice

Posted on February 5th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

In Plymouth Michigan this week a gentleman who might seem to be afflicted with Catholic-brand religious delusions has convinced himself that he can see a 2,000 year old Virgin Mother with Perfectly Intact Hymen in a column of ice outside his mobile home. And of course if he imagines that he is recognizing a woman that he has never met and who quite likely never existed, then only his belief is required to convince a person who has already chosen to accept as true absolutely ridiculous ancient fairy tales of virgin births and infants with super powers inherited from their invisible Sky Daddy.

Lionel Gonzalez says "This is unbelievable" and on that one point we certainly do agree. We do not believe that frozen water in a Michigan mobile home park is a sign of divine intervention at the home of a highly suggestible fellow who is known to already believe completely fact-free fairy tales.

On our rating scale of Marian Apparitions, which starts at utterly preposterous and goes all the way up to laughably ridiculous, this very silly incident gets only utterly preposterous for a 1 on a scale of 1 to 5.

Looking at this columnar shaped piece of ice it only vaguely resembles the shape of a human vagina that has never once been penetrated by a stiff, manly, rock hard penis. You can't even see her completely virginal and absolutely intact hymen. If this formation ever spawned we think it would just be ice cubes, and not divine sons of a super duper sky faerie sent here to be murdered by humans so that the angry, confrontational, temper-prone Sky Faerie Daddy can forgive us humans because at least we killed his Son.

Religious delusions aside, it's just frozen water and nothing more. If Mister Gonzalez intends to sell this Holy Mary Mother of God Icicle on eBay he better get with it quickly before the weather warms up and she melts like the witch in The Wizard of Oz.

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Ice, hymen, vagina, virgin, penis, Sky Faerie, Son of God, pareidolia, virgin mother, eBay, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Michigan, Plymouth, Lionel Gonzalez, penis, fairy tales, unbelievable

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Not Very Convincing Grill Smear

Posted on May 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Food Industry Virgins, High Cholesterol Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In the small town of Calexico, a Sonoran desert town on the border of California and Mexico, persons who were already afflicted with ridiculous Catholic-brand religious delusions reported a miraculous Marian apparition on a restaurant grill that was being cleaned when a shape, vaguely phallic or reminiscent of a butt plug, appeared on the surface of the grill.

News reports of this "miracle" have cited the fact that Mexican wrestlers wearing masks believe the image is literally a 2,000 year old virgin who never once had a penis penetrate her vagina causing her virgin hymen to tear. Or it could be a penis. Or a butt plug. Like the ones you can buy at this website.

No doubt this miraculous appearance by the mother of a deity who was born so humans could kill him in an effort to persuade himself to forgive humans for killing him is related somehow to the recent H1N1 virus outbreak that threatens the menudo supply.

Technorati Tags: Calexico, marian apparition, virgin hymen, miracle, virgin mary, butt plug, grill smear, mexican wrestlers

3 comments.

Our Lady of the Shrink Wrapped Pot Roast

Posted on May 1st, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Edible Virgins, High Cholesterol Sightings, New Sightings.

Two American ladies, locale not specified, have located the Holy Virgin Mother of God posing as a beef pot roast in their local supermarket.

Some commercials ask "Where's the beef?", but if those marketing people were really clever they might ask instead "Where's the Virgin?", and of course, who doesn't like eating a virgin?

It has been known for some time that eating God is not only acceptable, but rather a sign of piety of the highest magnitude. So what the heck, if it is OK to eat God, why not eat God's mother too? After all, she is a Virgin, so no worries about STDs.

I like rare fillet of Virgin hymen, or water chestnuts wrapped in un-penetrated and lightly roasted labia, and of course we always use Extra Virgin Olive Oil to saute our Holy Virgin Mother of God fried beef steaks. You can also make your Virgin Mary Jerk by rubbing her in certain areas with a mixture of salt and spices.

If you consume Jesus' Blood, a wheat gluten Jesus meat slice (it's wafer thin!), and a healthy Virgin Mary pot roast all in one day you can be excused from going to Mass for one whole week.

And whenever I'm off for an extended trip to the Holy Land in search of Virgin Mary tampon relics, I always take along some Holy Mary Mother of God Virgin Beef Jerky to help keep up my energy. It's nutritious and high in piety too.

Where's the Virgin? She's what's for dinner!

Technorati Tags: hymen, labia, Virgin, cannibalism, Catholicism, communion, gluten, pot roast, Marian apparition, youtube, Catholic Church, cholesterol, pareidolia

5 comments.

Our Lady of the Coffee Stained Title Page

Posted on March 8th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

In 1999 a book lover in San Francisco was examining an old hardback copy of the novel Ulysses by James Joyce when he discovered a stain from a dark brown liquid on the title page. Jason Rosette had just finished work on the movie BookWars, when, with his interest in books peaked, he handled the novel written by the famous Irishman.

While crowds of faithful true believers have not swamped Jason's 3rd floor apartment in the Haight Ashbury district it is obvious that the Holy Mother of God's Son who is God who is God's Father who is his own son and his own father, not to even mention grandparents, had made another miraculous appearance in her favorite city for trolling gay bars.

It's miraculous, we are sure, because it is not everyday that a gay man meets a virgin named Mary.

Note we are not suggesting that Jason is, himself, a gay man as we have no information whatsoever about him. It is simply a fact that San Francisco is well known as the Virgin Mary's favorite city. As a virgin, she prefers the company of gay men, and it is well known that virgins are few and far between in the famous City by the Bay. Social anthropologists believe this incident may be the origin of the widespread practice among gay men of calling each other Mary, the Virgin attribution is often left out in this usage case.

At the time eBay was known only to computer nerds, mostly in the South Bay some thirty miles or so south of the site of this miracle. So Jason has chosen to use direct selling as a revenue enhancement plan. As noted on the linked page, the fact that James Joyce was raised as a Catholic offers further proof of this miracle.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, gay men, miracles, apparitions, James Joyce, Ulysses, San Francisco, gay bars

0 comments.

Our Lady of The City of The Dead, Believe One, Get One Free

Posted on March 22nd, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Bonus Extra Sightings, Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

The City of Colma, California is famous primarily because of the fact that the vast majority of it's citizens are dead. We're talking in the ground, planted, buried. Most of the city consists of cemeteries. Some of the cemeteries are visited from time to time by people afflicted with Catholicism. And so, with the heightened emotional state of family members visiting grave-sites, the stage was set for an unusual dual sighting of the Miraculous Mother Mary with Completely Intact and Never Penetrated Hymen as proof of her Virtuous Vaginal Virginity.

In December, 1998 persons seemingly absent of critical thinking skills began reporting that they had hallucinated the presence of an imaginary Virgin Mother while looking at the obviously wooden wound on a tree in the Olivet Cemetery. As often happens in cases of this sort, crowds of people subject to belief in fairy tales began to converge on the scene.

In fact this particular incident of mass hysteria drew such large crowds that some would-be hallucinators had difficulty approaching the scene in order to ooh and ahh at the ordinary deciduous tree. That is when the second miracle occurred, members of the faithful who were shut out by the Catholics that got there first suddenly perceived an additional miraculous presence, a Totally Identical Virgin Mother of God who is the Father of God who is the Son of God who is God who may have been his own paternal grandfather. It was a sort of believe one get one free bonus, conveniently located in another part of the cemetery that was less crowded.

Fortunately the faithful who hallucinated at tree number one did not find it necessary to accuse those hallucinating at tree number two of crimes such as heresy, schism, or other crimes that are sometimes committed in the shade of a tree that has never been penetrated by a single penis, except of course for the little tiny Baby Penis of Jesus which passed, arguably uncircumcised, through the Miracle Vagina on his way out one cold night in Bethlehem. Mind you we make no claim that the Miraculous Penis of Jesus did anything overtly sexual as he was being born, after all, how can a Miraculous Virgin Mother of God still be chaste and pure if she has been spermed?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, hymen, vagina, Virgin Mary, Jesus, Penis, Heresy, Schism, Cemetery, Hallucination, sperm, Mother of God, Marian apparition, critical thinking

0 comments.

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