Our Lady of Yet Another Boring Tree Trunk

Posted on January 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

Our Lady of Another Boring Tree Trunk, now appearing in Scarborough, Ontario, CanadaIf you gave up on imaginary virgin mothers of imaginary deity babies with imaginary super powers for your New Years resolution, then read no further. In yet another highly boring imaginary tree trunk appearance, the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once took the whole thing into her perfectly pure and un-penetrated vagina with sacred intact hymen is now appearing on a tree in Scarborough, ON in Canada. We get a lot of these tree trunk apparitions because of the way that sap often oozes out of a wound on a tree, then disperses into a gradually widening pattern as gravity and rain wash it down the outside of the tree. With a wound on a tree, often from pruning, we get the nice round shape of a virgin head, or a clitoris, then as the sap from the tree wound spreads into a gradually widening pattern as it inches down the tree we get a shape that resembles a cape held open by a woman with a perfectly intact hymen, or the labia around a vagina.
Virginal vagina with perfectly intact hymen same shape as Marian Apparitions It is perfectly obvious that this latest and unusually lame sighting is just a tree trunk, but for those desperate to find a sign of something they imagine is true it seems so tempting and inviting.

We do not know exactly why Catholics tend to obsesess so much on the status of God's mommy's honey pot, but they sure do love to brag about how she never once took the whole thing. Do you suppose that after the imaginary deity was allegedly born poor old Joseph got to play hide the sausage at all? Or did she get assumed directly up into heaven, as the frequently told tall tale goes, because her hymen was still intact and she never, ever, once got laid?

It sure does seem as though Catholics are inclined to recognize any natural shape that resembles a vagina as another Marian Apparition, very strange, it might mean something I suppose. Could it be Oedipal?

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Other Marian Hallucinations:

  1. Our Lady of the Gnarly Tree Trunk
  2. Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree
  3. Our Lady of the Well Charred Sycamore Tree
  4. Our Lady of the Completely Unconvincing Tree Stump
  5. Our Lady of the Pruned Maple Tree

2 comments.

Sally

Comment on July 23rd, 2009.

Your furious snark is telling and actually makes you look just as silly as those who worship Mary images. For the record, Jesus had brothers and sisters, so rest assured, Joseph got to ‘hide the sausage’. Sorry to disrupt your entire reason for having this blog.

Mike

Comment on March 15th, 2010.

Sally. How do you know that he had brothers and sisters? Were you there or are you simply repeating what somebody, who wasn’t there, told you?

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