In October 2007 there were suddenly over a dozen wildfires burning in Southern California. San Diego County was hit the hardest with hundreds of homes burnt to the ground, but even rural areas of Los Angeles County were affected too.
The Buckweed Fire along the Sierra Highway left one Sycamore tree dead in Agua Dulce, with its bark burnt off the standing trunk.
Since one part of the exposed tree trunk had a roughly vaginal-shaped area, persons afflicted with Catholicism have begun hallucinating an apparition of Our Lady of the Well Charred Sycamore Tree, the patron saint of wildfires and hundreds of houses burnt to the ground.
Since The Holy Virgin of Severely Burnt to Death Sycamore Trees is the Mother of God, and Since the Son of God has God as his Daddy, it is only through her perfectly intact hymen that was never once penetrated by any boy’s naughty bits that we can thank God for being His own Son, His own Father, His Ghostly Spirit that glows in the dark, and His Grandpa, Grandson, and, you know – it’s all in the family.
Poor Joseph. According to the official Catholic fairy tales he never even got any once, because Our Lady of the Well Charred Sycamore Tree was auto-uplifted directly into heaven using a sooper-seekrit invisible elevator technique as a still perfectly hymen-intact virgin at the time when she would have otherwise died if she had even once taken the whole thing.
I wonder if God had to wait until a certain specific time of day to use the sooper-seekrit invisible elevator to get his Mommy up to heaven? What with the Earth rotating it seems like the optimal timing for the most direct ascent trajectory would depend to a great degree on the time of day in Israel. The time of year would have been a factor too, what with the Earth rotating on an axis that is not perfectly perpendicular to the Sun.
I guess the Son of Virgin Mommy, whose Daddy was God which is Him Himself, could have made certain adjustments to the orbital trajectory of the planet in order to line up the Holy Hymen with the Heavenly hosts.
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Other Marian Hallucinations:
Comment on December 27th, 2007.
This is the funniest damn website I’ve ever had the luck to chance upon! Thank you! But you need the moldy-assed grilled cheese sammich!
Also, I’m sure there are some morons out there who think the spots on their dalmation look just like the inbreeding deity’s mom/daughter/thing.
Comment on March 15th, 2010.
I’ve just spent one of the most enjoyable hours checking out your website, Congratulations. Hang on. The virgin has just appeared in my wallpaper……….Sorry, my mistake. It’s a bunch of flowers. Whew, had me worried for a while:)
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