Our Lady of 1 Million Tourists a Year

Posted on April 6th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Old Sightings.

On August 21, 1879 there was not much commercial activity in the very small village of Knock, Ireland. But on that evening 15 people claimed to have seen a triple miracle with John the Baptist, Saint Joseph, and a lady whose vagina had never been penetrated by a human penis all appearing in a church that was, oddly enough, a Catholic Church. The Prophet Mohammed and Buddha were not observed.
Our Lady of One Million Tourists a Year, Knock IE
As cameras were not available on that date we can only offer a suggested serving type illustration of the famous virginal mother with the perfectly intact hymen who never once took the whole thing.

The entire economy of the 500-person village of Knock, Ireland revolves around this fairy tale and the fact that millions of people world-wide are afflicted, even to this day, with belief that a Virgin can give birth to the imaginary Creator of the Universe.

Now of course, with our modern medical science it is possible for a virgin to be made pregnant, but this does not require invisible ghosts that molest underage children without informed consent, or even an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy.

But back to Knock in Ireland, some say that a million and a half tourists visit Knock per year, and the local branch of the Holy Roman Boy Rape Corporation serves up a million wafer thin slices of Jesus meat in communion every year. But there is no evidence beyond hearsay that would support the supposed appearance of an alleged virgin who would have been nearly 2,000 years old, if she ever did exist in the first place.

We wanted to be sure to post something sacrilegious in recognition of the bunnies that usually lay multicolored eggs this time of year, and we already did a Chocolate Jesus story, but we had no stories of recent hallucinations to report, that's why we turned to the Irish Tourist industry for today's perfectly intact hymen tale. No altar boys were raped in the production of this blog entry.

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Other Marian Hallucinations:

  1. Our Lady of the Completely Unconvincing Tree Stump
  2. Our Lady of the Vagina Shaped Reflection on a Garage Door
  3. Our Lady of the Obviously Stained Cloth
  4. Our Lady of the Fraudulent Tears of Blood
  5. Our Lady of the Calcium Deposits on a Rock

5 comments.

Unbeliever

Comment on April 6th, 2007.

Yep, just goes to show that religion is big business – and that’s all it is!

Our Lady of 1 Million Tourists a Year

Pingback on April 6th, 2007.

[...] Our Lady of 1 Million Tourists a Year [...]

Mary

Comment on April 16th, 2007.

I wish people would stop calling me the “the Virgin Mary.” How would you like to be known as “the Virgin . . .” for all eternity? Kind of embarrassing, don’t you think? More than a little intrusive as well. Nobody introduces his wife as “the spanking fetishist Pam” or her husband as “can’t get enough fellatio Steve.” I’d rather people just refer to me by my name: Mary. Please stop “the Virgin” stuff.

Thanks.

Your friend, Mary.

marygodsbitch.blogspot.com

MarĂ­a De La Santa Vagina

Comment on June 17th, 2007.

In that case, let’s call you Mary of the Blessed Intact Hymen. This is in honor of my Mary sighting last week. I was eating bacon and eggs at IHOP, and all of a sudden I noticed that what was left of my eggs bore a striking resemblance to an intact hymen. I mean it looked like it never took the whole thing!

So I called the manager, and we all worshipped my partially-eaten eggs in the name of Blessed Mother Mary of the Self-Fathering Son, who never fucked Her own Holy Son, even though He was His own father and therefore had to have gotten His sperm (with which He conceived Himself) past the Blessed Hymen.

JT

Comment on October 11th, 2007.

You are such fools for which no explanation is possible. All of the messages that the Virgin Mary has given have come to pass. The three children of Fatima were not taken seriously when they first anounced the apparition, and they were telling priests and religious – what hope would they have had with you clowns!! I’m sure you will know all about apparitions so I won’t need to tell you that The Virgin told young Franciso and Jacinta that they would die shortly after the apparitions(which they did), but Lucia would live to an old age to live her message (which she did), and spent the rest of her life in a convent. Mary also has told about how the Devil would corrupt people like yourselves and when Mary said she would perform a miracle at Fatima, a crowd of 50,000 altogether ,lots of unbelievers and atheist reporters came along to get a laugh but got the scare of their lives when the sun moved vigoruosly in the sky and came crashing down to earth before returning to it’s normal position. Scientists COULD NOT explain this but maybe you can? The favourite one for the Atheist is their excuse ‘sure look at those priests abusing children (which I think is the worst ), well that should not be an excuse for not believing in God. Mary had already fortold that the Devil would try to bring down Christ’s Church this way, and he’s doing a very good job. Try to save yourselves while there is maybe a small section of your body not corruped by Satan. Try looking up Zeitoun apparitions and Garabandal apparitions.
Mary has also said in her messages that people are of the opinion ‘If I’m going to hell theres a lot of others going with me’, however she says they will not even see each other – they will be in hell alone…. Just ask yourself this “What if I’m wrong”? Dr Scott Hahn was a staunch Protestant Presbyterian Pastor who taught against everything that Catholism stood for, but had to research Catholic Theology so that he could lecture on how Catholicism was wrong . When he had researched, he found out just how wrong HE was. He now has converted to Catholicism and give talks around the world. I do hope you change, but it is God who gives you free will on good and bad. Some people are in so much haste to offend God it seems they cannot await their own condemnation.

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