Our Lady of The City of The Dead, Believe One, Get One Free

Posted on March 22nd, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Bonus Extra Sightings, Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

Our Lady of the Cemetery, part 1
The City of Colma, California is famous primarily because of the fact that the vast majority of it's citizens are dead. We're talking in the ground, planted, buried. Most of the city consists of cemeteries. Some of the cemeteries are visited from time to time by people afflicted with Catholicism. And so, with the heightened emotional state of family members visiting grave-sites, the stage was set for an unusual dual sighting of the Miraculous Mother Mary with Completely Intact and Never Penetrated Hymen as proof of her Virtuous Vaginal Virginity.

In December, 1998 persons seemingly absent of critical thinking skills began reporting that they had hallucinated the presence of Our Lady of the Cemetery, Free Bonus part 2 an imaginary Virgin Mother while looking at the obviously wooden wound on a tree in the Olivet Cemetery. As often happens in cases of this sort, crowds of people subject to belief in fairy tales began to converge on the scene.

In fact this particular incident of mass hysteria drew such large crowds that some would-be hallucinators had difficulty approaching the scene in order to ooh and ahh at the ordinary deciduous tree. That is when the second miracle occurred, members of the faithful who were shut out by the Catholics that got there first suddenly perceived an additional miraculous presence, a Totally Identical Virgin Mother of God who is the Father of God who is the Son of God who is God who may have been his own paternal grandfather. It was a sort of believe one get one free bonus, conveniently located in another part of the cemetery that was less crowded.

Fortunately the faithful who hallucinated at tree number one did not find it necessary to accuse those hallucinating at tree number two of crimes such as heresy, schism, or other crimes that are sometimes committed in the shade of a tree that has never been penetrated by a single penis, except of course for the little tiny Baby Penis of Jesus which passed, arguably uncircumcised, through the Miracle Vagina on his way out one cold night in Bethlehem. Mind you we make no claim that the Miraculous Penis of Jesus did anything overtly sexual as he was being born, after all, how can a Miraculous Virgin Mother of God still be chaste and pure if she has been spermed?

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Other Marian Hallucinations:

  1. Our Lady of the eBay Driftwood, free Bonus Jesus
  2. Our Lady of the Coffee Stained Title Page
  3. Our Lady Of Clearly Just a Pebble for $50,000
  4. Our Lady of Yet Another Boring Tree Trunk
  5. Our Lady of the Pruned Maple Tree

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