Eventually area teenagers became fed up with the extreme stupidity of this farcical apparition, and one night a few rocks were used to smash several of the windows. Is it sacrilegious to break a window that is coated with a UV film?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparitions, Florida, Catholicism

An Italian Catholic church custodian is on trial in Forli, Italy for committing religious fraud. If only this was a new trend!

Of course uttering the phrase religious fraud is as redundant as saying Republican liar, but in this case the fraud was so far over the top that even the Roman Catholic Church did not exploit it for financial gain. It seems that in this case the fraud was initially successful, allowing people who wanted to believe that an underage teenage child was raped by the creator of the universe to regard the fraud as proof of their completely delusional beliefs.

Two things are different in this case. First is that the perpetrator of this religious fraud was actually caught. The second difference is that the fraud became public knowledge. It seems as though the Catholic Church really is losing control over the government of Italy. An actual criminal prosecution of a religious huckster, especially the Roman Catholic brand of huckster, would have been completely unheard of back in the days when the Catholic Church was playing footsie with the Nazis.

This seems to be another case of fraud surrounding the Imaginary Virgin Mother (already fraudulent in this first place) of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy (completely anthropomorphic and fictitious) that raped his own mother before he was born, but she never even once had sex, honest, cross my fingers and all.

Flocks of curios[sic] people hurried to Santa Lucia Church in March 2006 to take a look at the statue after several elderly female churchgoers said they saw red drops on its face.

Perhaps the fact that a person already believes in preposterous yarns make it that much easier for them to accept additional ridiculous claims.

Technorati Tags: Vincenzo Di Costanzo, Forli, Italy, Fraud, Virgin Mary, statue, blood, tears, Santa Lucia Church, apparition, miracle, Catholic Church, weeping madonna

So, this one is in a church, OK. It's not like the people in a church are already preselected for gullibility and the fervent desire to form ardent beliefs without a single shred of evidence. Or is it? I want to know why we never hear about Virgin Mary sightings in the gay section located in the back room of Adult DVD stores? Or maybe in a gay bar? I can tell you that if a real virgin was to make an apparition in a gay bar they certainly would be warmly welcomed. And why not, after all it is well known that gay men often call each other Mary. It's true, virginity is a rare quality in mothers and gay men, so it seems there is a natural affinity between this mythical Virgin Mother With Perfectly Intact Hymen who never once took the whole thing and gay men who are always talking about taking the whole thing.

We know that there are self-loathing gay men that participate in the Party of Jesus through the Log Cabin Republicans. Maybe there could be a self-loathing Catholic gay group of men with no critical thinking skills that imagines they have a Virgin Mother Fag Hag friend up in the sky. We could call the group Virgin Gay Girlfriends for Mary, or something like that. Should priests be allowed to join Virgin Gay Girlfriends for Mary? Oh wait, it's for virgins.

This extremely lame dumbass sighting of the imaginary Virgin Mother of the imaginary deity son of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is a bonus round too, because you get a free Jeebus with it if you are extra, piously gullible. Not to mention the perfectly intact hymen.

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Hymen, Virgin Mary, Vagina, Gay Bar, Gay DVDs, Log Cabin Republicans, Virgin Mother Fag Hag, Gay Girlfriends for Mary, Priests, Catholic Church, Miami, Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy, Bonus Jeebus

And if you squint just the right way and you are willing to believe anything at all you can even see her perfectly intact hymen that has never even once been penetrated with one of those naughty bits that boys have and which make the Baby Jesus cry.

Apparently back in 1968 a woman afflicted with Catholicism hallucinated the appearance of a fictional Virgin Mother who can also be observed using a camera fitted with a low quality lens and operated by an incompetent photographer. The only other requirement is that the incompetent photographer must also be afflicted with Catholicism, otherwise they might make the tragic mistake of misidentifying a miraculous photographic apparition for what is sometimes called an armpit shot.

But back to 1968. The first apparition, as it turns out, was actually St. Theresa, a familiar and possible lesbian lover of the Holy Virgin Mother. This first apparition supposedly communicated sooper seekrit messages from Our Lady of the Hand Held Camera. Then in April 1970 Veronica Luekin hallucinated that Our Lady of the Hand Held Camera was appearing right in her own house. How convenient! It is always nice to have virginal parents of imaginary deities visit us while we are enjoying the comfy chair. As proof of these seemingly preposterous claims we have the overwhelming photographic evidence of the inclination of the human brain to detect facial patterns with minimal clues. And of course the evidence of the perfectly intact and miraculous hymen is undeniable in this photo.

Veronica went on to reveal to the world some dire warnings about Satan roaming the streets in the United States of America, and certain direct orders she had received from hymen girl. In an odd coincidence much of the information conveyed by Mrs Luekin seemed to resemble the psychotic ravings found in certain ancient tribal scrolls from the Middle East, where psychosis still rules the day.

There does seem to be some online competition among various websites for the title of official website of this series of delusional episodes. For more entertainment Google Our Lady of the Roses.

Technorati Tags: Virgin, Marian apparition, chromatic aberration, hymen, Mary, pareidolia

We do not know exactly why Catholics tend to obsesess so much on the status of God's mommy's honey pot, but they sure do love to brag about how she never once took the whole thing. Do you suppose that after the imaginary deity was allegedly born poor old Joseph got to play hide the sausage at all? Or did she get assumed directly up into heaven, as the frequently told tall tale goes, because her hymen was still intact and she never, ever, once got laid?

It sure does seem as though Catholics are inclined to recognize any natural shape that resembles a vagina as another Marian Apparition, very strange, it might mean something I suppose. Could it be Oedipal?

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Virgin Birth, pareidolia, Intact Hymen, unpenetrated vagina, virginity, vulva, labia sexual purity, Scarborough, Ontario, Canada, Holy Maruy, woddy, virginity, sex, Jeebus, Baby Jesus, St Joseph

News reports of this "miracle" have cited the fact that Mexican wrestlers wearing masks believe the image is literally a 2,000 year old virgin who never once had a penis penetrate her vagina causing her virgin hymen to tear. Or it could be a penis. Or a butt plug. Like the ones you can buy at this website.

No doubt this miraculous appearance by the mother of a deity who was born so humans could kill him in an effort to persuade himself to forgive humans for killing him is related somehow to the recent H1N1 virus outbreak that threatens the menudo supply.

Technorati Tags: Calexico, marian apparition, virgin hymen, miracle, virgin mary, butt plug, grill smear, mexican wrestlers

Seeming to completely defy the laws of physics and our usual concepts of space and time, the only mother in human history who never took the whole thing has miraculously appeared in the form of an icicle in the most unlikely of places - a freezer.

Alma Avolos, an employee of Morton Thrifty Foods in Morton TX, noticed it was cold in the walk-in freezer just an instant before she saw this miraculous icicle that was inexplicably located beneath an area where condensation had begun to form. Any fool can clearly see that this is the Virginal Mother of God with perfectly intact, and indeed rigid and cold Virginal Vagina with an intact water-based hymen. Quite a few have already.

Gynecologists agree that there is no sign this Mother of God has ever engaged in sexual intercourse, not even with another icicle.

Morton Thrifty Foods has noted a huge increase in foot traffic which seems oddly linked to a decline in popsicle sales. A skeptical reporter who went to see the Freezer Shrine of Mary reported a cool reception. Hopefully this attitude will soon thaw. If this apparition had occurred three feet to the left, we'd all be saying Holy Cow!

Technorati Tags: hymen, virginity, cold as ice, virgin mary, apparition, miracle, texas

So it was that circumstances led this not even slightly skeptical person to perceive the image of an Imaginary Virginal Intact-Hymen Mommy of the Creator of the entire Universe in an ordinary seashell necklace. We bring you Our Lady of the Hawaiian Necklace.

If you look closely enough, and you impair your faculties with alcohol, drugs, or ancient bullshit superstitions, you too might be able to see the image of a perfectly intact hymen. LSD might help, or a few years of Catechism lessons.

How is it that the perfectly intact hymen of the Mother of God could exist before she gave birth to God when she and her perfectly intact hymen were required to give birth to God, who made her pregnant using Super-Sperm before he was even born?

It's a pretty neat trick making your own Mother pregnant with yourself!

If you believe this stuff, you'll believe ANYTHING!

Technorati Tags: Hymen, Pareidolia, virginity, virgins, San Diego, Marian Apparitions, Bullshit, Virgin Mary, Immaculate Conception, Catholic Church, catechism, hallucinations

You can clearly see in these two photos that the resemblance to the known photographs of Virgin Mary is remarkable. One is a closeup of the actual miracle, while the other illustrates the area of the stovetop where the miracle took place.

Not a single person that has ever visited this miraculous stove has ever been struck by a falling airplane, clearly demonstrating the miraculous power of this apparition to protect the faithful against falling airplanes and other aerial vehicles.

Were it not for the auction having already ended, you might have been able to enter a low starting bid of only $5,000 for this miracle that includes a defective stove with at least one miraculously missing knob.

As eBay auction listings are transient in nature, we have preserved the listing page for future generations as a PDF file. While this stove has been used, the vagina of the depicted virgin remains pure and chaste, with a fully intact hymen that has only been visited by one male, and He was just leaving.

Technorati Tags: virgin mary, hymen, vagina, stove, eBay, miracle, virginity, pareidolia, chumps

Shoshone Falls, Idaho.

Visitors to the site disagree about this instance of mineral deposits on a rock face, thinking it does not look at all liking any Imaginary Virginal God Mother, but a local priest intent on maximizing revenue for the Holy Roman Catholic Tax Free Empire is happy to promote this shared hysteria. But let not naysayers discourage the faithful, said the Rev. Deacon John Hurley, a Roman Catholic clergyman at the Immaculate Conception Church in Buhl Idaho.

"Sightings or sometimes images in sacramentaries are personal in nature," he said. "It isn't a matter of the church saying we believe it or don't believe it. We simply respect the opinion of the individual and certainly don't discourage it. We believe these things can happen." says Father Hurley. If we remove the farcical disclaimers it might read like "There is no way the Church is going to acknowledge this hysteria as hysteria, because, after all, it's pretty darn good for the revenue stream."

We wonder, if someone impregnated this miraculous apparition of salts would the stones then give birth to Jesus' half-brother?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparition, Catholicism, Idaho

Obviously the Holy Mother of God likes pizza, but in a dream it was revealed that she does not like anchovies. They remind her of yeast infections in her Holy Virginal Genitalia.

How exactly does a baby pass through the birth canal if a lady still has an intact hymen? Wait, let me guess, I'm getting warmer, could it be A MIRACLE?

So next time you order a pizza to place as an offering before a graven image in your local Holy Roman Catholic Church, remember hold the anchovies.

Besides, her son can create fish on the spot if she changes her mind.

How come nobody ever sees an apparition of a parish priest molesting a child?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, anchovies, priest, mass hysteria, pizza

So bid now on this exciting offer, we all know perfectly well that nobody has ever misrepresented any item being sold on eBay, plus if buying this product does not get you into heaven, you can request a full refund of the entire purchase price. Do your own DNA testing, you won't find any sperm anywhere near this holy vagina!

Remember, web servers are standing by, so click now. It's not just any free bonus Christ, it's Jesus H Christ!

Technorati Tags: Vagina, virgin mary, hymen, bonus Jesus, free Christ, order now, eBay, pareidolia

While crowds of faithful true believers have not swamped Jason's 3rd floor apartment in the Haight Ashbury district it is obvious that the Holy Mother of God's Son who is God who is God's Father who is his own son and his own father, not to even mention grandparents, had made another miraculous appearance in her favorite city for trolling gay bars.

It's miraculous, we are sure, because it is not everyday that a gay man meets a virgin named Mary.

Note we are not suggesting that Jason is, himself, a gay man as we have no information whatsoever about him. It is simply a fact that San Francisco is well known as the Virgin Mary's favorite city. As a virgin, she prefers the company of gay men, and it is well known that virgins are few and far between in the famous City by the Bay. Social anthropologists believe this incident may be the origin of the widespread practice among gay men of calling each other Mary, the Virgin attribution is often left out in this usage case.

At the time eBay was known only to computer nerds, mostly in the South Bay some thirty miles or so south of the site of this miracle. So Jason has chosen to use direct selling as a revenue enhancement plan. As noted on the linked page, the fact that James Joyce was raised as a Catholic offers further proof of this miracle.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, gay men, miracles, apparitions, James Joyce, Ulysses, San Francisco, gay bars

When Mike Passchier of Powell River, British Columbia, Canuckistan saw this rock he saw a golden opportunity involving a potential eBay auction. Arguably Mike is either afflicted with religious delusions about virgin mothers that never once took the whole thing or he is at least familiar with these fairy tales.

My lovely husband, on the other hand, does not suffer from religious delusions at all, and he saw the lead character from the movie V for Vendetta.

If you firmly believe that no human penis ever thrust repeatedly in and out of the Sacred and Chaste Vagina Of the Virgin Mary, gaining speed, until finally with a loud cry, well you know... If you believe she got pregnant because an Invisible Ghost transported Super Sperm directly into her girly parts, well, you are perhaps likely to believe this stone is a sacred relic.

But please, try to keep your superstitions out of my civil rights.

Technorati Tags: Marian apparition, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Pareidolia, V for Vendetta, Hymen, penis, vagina, Mike Passchier, Powell River, eBay