Virgin Mary (again)

Our Lady of the Defective Double Glazed Window

Posted on February 27th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Over 25,00 members of the faithful flocked to Milton Hospital in Milton, Massachusetts in 2003 to see a miraculously defective double glazed window. Apparently the Holy Mother of God is able to cause rubber gaskets in insulated windows to fail with the superpower of her Miraculous Vagina.

The seal in this window had failed many years ago, and alas for the poor neglected virgin it took 5 years before anybody noticed her presence near the top of a Miraculous Brick Wall.

Unfortunately Milton Hospital is not a psychiatric facility, so there was no use in admitting any of the 25,000 who appeared in just one weekend. Certainly Action News (film at 11) must have played a part in whipping up the hysteria, it's good for the ratings, you know?

Stories suggest the hospital had contacted local representative of the Catholic Church Corporation, trying to get them to restrain the faithful. Later the hospital administrator, seeming to like his job, said "No, No, No we love religious nutjobs" or something to that effect.

Finally, in an apparent attempt to control the throngs of religiously-afflicted onlookers the hospital installed a drape on the outside of the window which they kept lowered during the daytime, allowing it to be viewed only after regular business hours.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, apparitions, rubber gaskets, hysteria

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Our Lady of the George Foreman Grill

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

In August 2006 a man in St. Louis MO was about to empty the grease tray of his George Foreman grill when he began hallucinating about a Virgin he had never met and never seen appearing in the grease stains.

Apparently there is a fairly good chance that the one born every minute could be a Catholic sometimes.

OK, sure, I can see that clearly. It is a George Forman grill grease tray, it has grease in it, and a reasonable person might conclude that someone in the John Milanos home eats meat.

This is one of the weaker instances of pareidolia, we doubt if this one will get much on eBay.

In any case, it is a good thing that Mr. Milanos was using a George Foreman grill, if he had pan fried that hamburger he could have accidentally eaten the Mother of God. Is it OK to eat a virgin? I know her son was always saying "Eat me" to people.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, george foreman, hallucinations

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Our Lady of the Pepperoni Pizza (no anchovies)

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

A cafeteria worker at an elementary school was cleaning a pizza pan when she discovered a stain that was resisting her efforts. Suddenly the Virgin Mary appeared before her eyes. Well, actually a stain appeared on the pizza pan. But having been taught by Father Sanchez that a good Catholic should never miss a chance to jump to a preposterous conclusion Guadalupe Rodriguez decided it was a miracle.

Obviously the Holy Mother of God likes pizza, but in a dream it was revealed that she does not like anchovies. They remind her of yeast infections in her Holy Virginal Genitalia.

How exactly does a baby pass through the birth canal if a lady still has an intact hymen? Wait, let me guess, I'm getting warmer, could it be A MIRACLE?

So next time you order a pizza to place as an offering before a graven image in your local Holy Roman Catholic Church, remember hold the anchovies.

Besides, her son can create fish on the spot if she changes her mind.

How come nobody ever sees an apparition of a parish priest molesting a child?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, anchovies, priest, mass hysteria, pizza

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Our Lady of the Chocolate Dildo

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Miraculous Virgin Mothers seem to be popping up all over the place. In Southern California a worker at a candy factory who admits she believes in ancient fairy tales discovered a miraculous Virgin Mary Dildo that was made out of 100% pure chocolate.

Don't you just wonder if it melts in your butt, not in your hands?

And does this miracle bring new meaning to the expression fudgepacker?

Who knows, it could lead to a whole new trend in eating out!

Read about it at MSNBC. And keep in mind, your sarcastic comments are always welcome here, but try not to type with your butt full.

Speaking of butts, does anybody know about any cases of Virgin Mary bowel movements being sighted by devoutly religious folks? I guess in a case like that you'd probably not want to flush before the eBay auction closes.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparition, chocolate, dildo, sex toys

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Our Lady of the Freeway Underpass

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Obdulia Delgado, by her own admission, is afflicted with religious beliefs. She believes that invisible super pals live outside of space and time, yet somehow have voodoo like powers to control what happens in the real world. It is a very common malady for human beings to buy ancient fairy tales lock stock and barrel because their well-meaning and similarly afflicted parents slipped a bunch of preposterous ideas into their head while they were too young to evaluate fairy tales and reject them.

So it was that poor Obdulia, her brain operating on a host of false assumptions, was pre-disposed to see things that were not there and believe that they were.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, ancient fairy tales, concrete vagina

I'm not sure what you may see when you look at these road salt deposits on a concrete bridge structure, but to me it seems to resemble female genitalia. Could it be that what Obdulia Delgado really saw was Our Lady of the Concrete Vagina? That might explain the virginity angle. I don't think I know a single straight man that gets turned on by concrete.

In any case, it is clearly a case of pareidolia, innit?

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Our Lady of The Grilled Cheese Sandwich

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

In one of the most famous cases of pareidolia in recent US history, a woman afflicted with Catholicism imagined she saw and recognized the image of Our Lady of The Grilled Cheese Sandwich as she was making a grilled cheese sandwich.

Now I feel pretty confident that if the image of a member of my family appeared in a food item I intended to consume, I'd likely recognize that image because I know what the faces of my family members look like. But I wonder when it was that this nice American Catholic lady met Our Lady of Velveeta in the first place. After all, it is difficult to recognize the face of someone we have never seen before.

Did the inDUHvidual that made this miraculous discovery previously see a photograph of Our Lady of Nutrition-Free Bread and Sickening Imitation Cheese that was taken 2,000 years ago, just before her miraculous ascension into fairy tale land? And gee, once Our Lady Of American Cheeselike Goop on Bland Bread left the atmosphere of planet Earth, how did she continue breathing?

Is there, indeed, any living person who has ever actually seen this fictional virgin mother of an imaginary deity? Perhaps not.

So here is the thing, often people attribute recognition falsely. In this case the original griller of the Holy Sandwich recognized a pattern that made her think it was a face. She then supplied the fictional association with the fictional virgin, but how did she know?

Like everything else associated with the ancient fairy tales of Abraham, this story has only one little snippet of truth that we can rely on, there really was a grilled cheese sandwich.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, catholicism, fairy tales, grilled cheese sandwiches, virgin mary

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