Virgin Mary (again)

Our Lady of the Ugly Stain on a Samoan Wall

Posted on September 17th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Sacred Water Stains.

The South Pacific nation of Samoa recently switched from driving on the right to driving on the left. Since that has absolutely nothing at all to do with non-existent virgin mothers of fictional deities, people in Samoa who are afflicted with ridiculous religious delusions therefore believe this obvious water stain on the wall of a church is an Apparition of The Holy Virgin Mary, Mother of God, with Perfectly Intact Virginal Hymen. A so-called Marian Apparition, a message from Jeebus' Mommy, saying, "Oy! watch out with that car, dodo head." Or maybe it means that her son can see you masturbating. Or it could be just mineral deposits left behind by rainwater, but that's just a guess that is consistent with the available facts.

The question is "How dumb do you have to be to see a fictional virgin in water marks on a wall?" and the answer is "Catholic."

We are used to hearing these silly stories from Mexico, Texas, and other areas with a high concentration of people exposed to Mexican culture and superstitions. This is the first case to reach our attention from a Pacific island nation. A New Zealand newspaper says

A week after Samoans prayed en masse for a safe switch to driving on the left, a vision of the Virgin Mary has appeared.

It is also true that this apparition happened about a week after I made that big pot of black bean soup and ended up farting like a racehorse all night. Could it be that the alleged virgin wants me to cut back on the beans, but she missed Palm Springs by about 7,000 miles?

What we have here is an obvious case of pareidolia. People see things they believe exist. People are especially prone to recognize human faces and figures in random patterns of swirls. This is not some mystical virgin with intact hymen and a super-baby, it's a freekin' stain on a wall. Jeebus! Like many other such sightings there is a vague resemblance to the shape of a vagina.

Technorati Tags: Samoa, Samoan Islands, Marian Apparition, hymen, vagina, virgin, Virgin Mary, mother of God, Jeebus, driving on left

22 comments.

Our Lady of the Birdshit on a Truck Rear View Mirror

Posted on July 18th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Fecal Material Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In Bryant Texas a bird recently shat upon the rear view mirror of a truck owned by a man afflicted with ridiculous ancient superstitions about invisible super pals and virgin mommies. Because of his pre-existing affliction with completely idiotic fairy tales the gentleman perceived that the vagina-shaped smear of bird feces on his mirror was actually a miraculous apparition of a 2,000 year old virgin who never once took the whole thing, yet somehow gave birth to the deity that had created the Earth 4,000 years earlier. I am, like, so sure.

As is often the case with Marian Apparitions, this bird shit stain is roughly the same shape as a human vagina, and in this case the puzzle is determining if you can see the perfectly intact virginal hymen waiting so deliciously between the luscious, juicy labia of her super-virgin vagina.

One wonders if the bird that shat this holy shit was itself chosen for its sexual purity to be the virgin shitter of a virgin shit stain?

The Pachuca family says an image on their pickup truck is a miracle. The image, that came in an unlikely form of a bird dropping, appeared Sunday July 12. That was the first time Salvador Pachuca had been back to the home since having an accident there four months ago.

Sorry, sir, with all due respect, it looks like nothing more than a shit stain to me.

Technorati Tags: Salvador Pachuca, Marian Apparition, Bird Shit, vagina, hymen, unpenetrated, Bryan TX, Virgin Mary, labia, juicy, love canal, virgin bird, Virgin of Guadalupe

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Completely Unconvincing Tree Stump

Posted on July 9th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

People in Limerick Ireland whose critical thinking skills may already be subject to some doubt based on their ludicrous religious delusions have convinced themselves and each other that the tree stump shown here is really a 2,000 year old underaged Virgin mother who was raped by an invisible super pal of Casper the Ghost.

As the fairy tale goes, the invisible super ghost somehow injected his super sperm into the tree stumps hot juicy love canal without tampering with her blessed virginity.

Normally these preposterous claims of virgin mothers making surprise cameo appearances that only people afflicted with ridiculous beliefs can recognize involve at least some sort of an image that vaguely resembles the Holy Vagina with Intact Hymen. But this ugly tree stump looks just like an ugly tree stump.

Still, with all of the reports in Ireland of hundreds of priests raping children, we're sure the Holy Roman Boy Rape Church is delighted with this silly distraction.

Technorati Tags: Boy rape, Catholic Church, intact hymen, marian apparition, stupid religions, woody virgins, Limerick, Ireland

6 comments.

Our Lady of the Not Very Convincing Grill Smear

Posted on May 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Food Industry Virgins, High Cholesterol Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In the small town of Calexico, a Sonoran desert town on the border of California and Mexico, persons who were already afflicted with ridiculous Catholic-brand religious delusions reported a miraculous Marian apparition on a restaurant grill that was being cleaned when a shape, vaguely phallic or reminiscent of a butt plug, appeared on the surface of the grill.

News reports of this "miracle" have cited the fact that Mexican wrestlers wearing masks believe the image is literally a 2,000 year old virgin who never once had a penis penetrate her vagina causing her virgin hymen to tear. Or it could be a penis. Or a butt plug. Like the ones you can buy at this website.

No doubt this miraculous appearance by the mother of a deity who was born so humans could kill him in an effort to persuade himself to forgive humans for killing him is related somehow to the recent H1N1 virus outbreak that threatens the menudo supply.

Technorati Tags: Calexico, marian apparition, virgin hymen, miracle, virgin mary, butt plug, grill smear, mexican wrestlers

3 comments.

Our Lady of the Shiny Polished Stone with Intact Hymen

Posted on February 25th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

A gentleman from Pocatello Idaho recently obtained a stone in Las Vegas, and upon returning home he began to polish the very attractive stone. Soon a pattern began to emerge and the gentleman imagined he was seeing the image of the 2,000 year old allegedly virgin mother of a super pal from invisible space behind the sky whose mommy, the gal in the stone, supposedly had an intact hymen that had never been pushed aside by a rock hard penis intent on penetrating her warm, fictional cavity. Some invisible sky ghost supposedly raped her, and she allegedly got pregnant with a super baby, just so humans could kill her super-powered son in order to persuade his Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy to forgive us, because, after all, we did kill his son for Him. This all makes sense, right?

Sergio Romero had never met this fictional virgin, and since she is an invention no one else had either. This did not discourage the gentleman from recognizing the image of a supposed virgin that neither he nor any other human being had ever seen.

Apparently the stone has had such a profoundly spiritual effect on Mr Romero that he intends to sell it on eBay to the gullible fool willing to waste the most cash. Truly, there is one born every minute. Imagine owning your own polished stone featuring a virginal vagina that never once took the whole thing, with a pure mineral intact hymen to prove it! Bid now, someone else may be more gullible than you are.

Technorati Tags: Virgin, marian apparition, mother of god, hail mary, holy mary mother of god, hymen, blessed virgin, pareidolia, Imaginary virgins, imaginary deities, chumps, hymen, eBay

0 comments.

Our Lady of Obviously Just a Column of Ice

Posted on February 5th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

In Plymouth Michigan this week a gentleman who might seem to be afflicted with Catholic-brand religious delusions has convinced himself that he can see a 2,000 year old Virgin Mother with Perfectly Intact Hymen in a column of ice outside his mobile home. And of course if he imagines that he is recognizing a woman that he has never met and who quite likely never existed, then only his belief is required to convince a person who has already chosen to accept as true absolutely ridiculous ancient fairy tales of virgin births and infants with super powers inherited from their invisible Sky Daddy.

Lionel Gonzalez says "This is unbelievable" and on that one point we certainly do agree. We do not believe that frozen water in a Michigan mobile home park is a sign of divine intervention at the home of a highly suggestible fellow who is known to already believe completely fact-free fairy tales.

On our rating scale of Marian Apparitions, which starts at utterly preposterous and goes all the way up to laughably ridiculous, this very silly incident gets only utterly preposterous for a 1 on a scale of 1 to 5.

Looking at this columnar shaped piece of ice it only vaguely resembles the shape of a human vagina that has never once been penetrated by a stiff, manly, rock hard penis. You can't even see her completely virginal and absolutely intact hymen. If this formation ever spawned we think it would just be ice cubes, and not divine sons of a super duper sky faerie sent here to be murdered by humans so that the angry, confrontational, temper-prone Sky Faerie Daddy can forgive us humans because at least we killed his Son.

Religious delusions aside, it's just frozen water and nothing more. If Mister Gonzalez intends to sell this Holy Mary Mother of God Icicle on eBay he better get with it quickly before the weather warms up and she melts like the witch in The Wizard of Oz.

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Ice, hymen, vagina, virgin, penis, Sky Faerie, Son of God, pareidolia, virgin mother, eBay, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Michigan, Plymouth, Lionel Gonzalez, penis, fairy tales, unbelievable

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Amsterdam Drag Show

Posted on January 7th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Bonus Extra Sightings, Drag Queen Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings.

[ED comment: For nearly a year now we have diligently researched and ridiculed over 40 supposed sightings of an alleged virgin claimed to be the mother of an imaginary ancient Jewish super pal. This one is just for fun.]

During the pagan winter festival celebrated every year at the winter solstice, and famously hijacked by Christianity a long time ago, a new sighting of the Virgin Mary was reported in the famous European city of Amsterdam.

It was during a Pink Christmas party thrown by the Amsterdam City Council that the famous ancient virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, made an appearance seeming to look just like the local drag performer Miss Wendy. (S)he was pretty hot too!

A male entertainer known as Wendy Mills posed as Mary in a blonde wig and high-heeled black boots and holding a plastic doll. Another man played Joseph in black leather trunks and a silver shawl.

The five-person manger scene was staged off the street, in the courtyard of a nightclub. Visitors were invited to be photographed with the group. The first was 3-month-old Lily Pink Albers, Mills' niece.

Of course some people famously can't take a joke, and it seems that all of them think an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is on their side. In fact people suffering from Jeebus-brand religious delusions were a wee bit upset about the manger display. The paradoxically named group Christians for Truth was apparently quite upset, although Creationists for Science had no comment.

Tee hee. (story)

Technorati Tags: Hymen, Virgin Mary, Marian Apparition, Holy Mary Mother of God, Jeebus, Jesus, Virgin Birth, Miss Wendy, drag, Christians for Truth

0 comments.

Our Lady of Yet Another Boring Tree Trunk

Posted on January 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

If you gave up on imaginary virgin mothers of imaginary deity babies with imaginary super powers for your New Years resolution, then read no further. In yet another highly boring imaginary tree trunk appearance, the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once took the whole thing into her perfectly pure and un-penetrated vagina with sacred intact hymen is now appearing on a tree in Scarborough, ON in Canada. We get a lot of these tree trunk apparitions because of the way that sap often oozes out of a wound on a tree, then disperses into a gradually widening pattern as gravity and rain wash it down the outside of the tree. With a wound on a tree, often from pruning, we get the nice round shape of a virgin head, or a clitoris, then as the sap from the tree wound spreads into a gradually widening pattern as it inches down the tree we get a shape that resembles a cape held open by a woman with a perfectly intact hymen, or the labia around a vagina.
It is perfectly obvious that this latest and unusually lame sighting is just a tree trunk, but for those desperate to find a sign of something they imagine is true it seems so tempting and inviting.

We do not know exactly why Catholics tend to obsesess so much on the status of God's mommy's honey pot, but they sure do love to brag about how she never once took the whole thing. Do you suppose that after the imaginary deity was allegedly born poor old Joseph got to play hide the sausage at all? Or did she get assumed directly up into heaven, as the frequently told tall tale goes, because her hymen was still intact and she never, ever, once got laid?

It sure does seem as though Catholics are inclined to recognize any natural shape that resembles a vagina as another Marian Apparition, very strange, it might mean something I suppose. Could it be Oedipal?

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Virgin Birth, pareidolia, Intact Hymen, unpenetrated vagina, virginity, vulva, labia sexual purity, Scarborough, Ontario, Canada, Holy Maruy, woddy, virginity, sex, Jeebus, Baby Jesus, St Joseph

2 comments.

Our Lady Of The Completely Unconvincing Oyster Shell

Posted on October 30th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, He Sells Sea Shells, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins.

A North Carolina man has found a fragment of an oyster shell on Wrightsville Beach which he is willing to suggest, to the suggestible, might possibly maybe look like a 2,000 year old virgin with a Perfectly Intact Holy Hymen that was never once penetrated by one of those naughty boy bits that stick out in front.

As the legend goes, God, who already existed, had sex with his own mother before he was born so she would get pregnant, but she did not have sex, but God knocked her up, then God had a son who was God. We are not sure if carpenters were rich enough in ancient Israel to own a mirror, but if Jesus' faux dad Joseph had a mirror, just imagine Jesus standing in front of that mirror and saying Hello Dad, and then Hello Son. Now you are starting to get the picture.

It seems as though only sinful women get pregnant by having intercourse with their own husband, while really holy women get pregnant only by being raped by an invisible sky fairie. Please note we are talking about an invisible sky fairie here, not a garden variety homosexual fairy. As you can see the words are spelled differently.

How about that oyster shell? Did you bid yet? We sure didn't.

Appearing on eBay as seller skatingtom7, the finder of this miraculous ex-crustacean holy relic is apparently willing to accept money for his lucky Virgin Mother Marian Apparition Miraculous Treasure Discovery.

If you have not even a trace of skeptical inclination and your critical thinking skills do not even exist, bid now!

Technorati Tags: skatingtom7, eBay, Hymen, vagina, Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina, Marian Apparition, Miraculous Sea Shell, Virgin Mary, Sea Shell, oyster Shell, miracle, pareidolia, one born every minute

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Chromatic Aberration on a Hospital Window

Posted on October 1st, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, chromatic aberrration sightings, defective reflection sightings.

Persons in Massachusetts who are arguably prone to hallucinations are reporting that they recognize the image of a Holy Virgin with Perfectly Intact Hymen (who never once took the whole thing) on a hospital window, despite the fact that none of the hallucinators have ever met or even seen a photograph of this alleged Perfect Hymen God Mommie, who may or may not have lived 2,000 years ago.

As the story goes, God raped his own underage teenage mother who was not old enough to consent to this out of wedlock act of fornication, then he got some poor sucker to marry her fast so she would not be stoned to death by her deity-obsessed tribe of genocidal warmongering persons of middle eastern descent. So God, who had sooper-seekrit voodoo sex with his own Mommy without penetrating her, made her pregnant with a bastard half breed baby that was part God, part dirty filthy human. But he *was* God, according to the story, so he was his own Daddy after somehow being born without disturbing his mom's perfectly intact hymen.

But back to this week's hallucination.

We find it interesting that the persons who recognize this obvious chromatic anomaly as a Virgin Mommy with Perfectly Intact Hymen seem to be, without exception, people who already suffer from the delusional belief that a virgin human gave birth to an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy 2,000 years ago. I am, like, so sure.

Is it real? Or is it the psychological phenomenon known as Pareidolia? We write the sarcasm, you decide.

Technorati Tags: Virgin Mother, Intact Hymen, Marian Apparition, Pareidolia, Mass Hallucination, stupid religions, Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy, Massachusetts, Virgin with Intact Hymen

4 comments.

Our Lady of the Rotten Green Seedless Grape

Posted on September 6th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In an effort to promote The Sanctity of Hymens, the Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once yelled "Yes!" while some disgusting pig man was sliding the whole thing into her poontang, She, in Her Mercy, has caused a green seedless grape to rot and begin smelling like an unpenetrated hymen to inspire virginity among undocumented agricultural harvesters who pick grapes to give praise to Jeebus. At least that is what they are saying.

Usually grapes are just food, people eat them. Of course grapes can also be used to make wine if you do not have any deity around to auto-convert fluoridated city water into wine for you. But in this startling case a woman that was not even afflicted with Roman Catholic religious delusions discovered this unmistakable message from a fictional virgin believed to be the virginal mother of a half god half man edible deity. Becky Ginn of Arlington Texas suffers from Baptist-flavor religious delusions, and is not a Catholic at all. But apparently Ms Ginn does believe that virgin women can have babies without the direct intervention of a fertility doctor.

The grapes were rotten, and Ms Ginn was about to throw them in the trash, when she recognized on one rotten grape the image of a woman she had never met. It's funny that nobody who has never met regular people recognizes their image on a grape. It seems that a person needs to have a perfectly virginal and unpenetrated hymen before grape appearances become possible.

Much can be said about the amazing visual pattern recognition skills of Ms Ginn, most people would not be so easily able to recognize a person they had never met or even seen in an actual photograph.

Let this grape serve as an inspiration for all undocumented immigrant farm workers who pick grapes for below minimum wages and are constantly in fear of some Republican candidate exploiting their marginal situation for political gain, and let the lesson be - save the rotten grapes to sell on eBay.

Technorati Tags: holy grape, hymen, virgin mary, divine fruit, pareidolia, Texas, catholic, immigrant farm workers, undocumented aliens, fictional virgins

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree

Posted on July 11th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

People in Midland Texas who are afflicted with Catholicism and no common sense at all are claiming that a 2,000 year old Jewish virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, who has never once taken the whole thing, is now appearing in a local tree.

Now when I were a wee lad in a country village, I was very fond of climbing trees. But very few people ever saw me in a tree and said, look, a 2,000 year old virgin. And of course as an actual human child it was fairly easy to tell what was me and what was a tree.

If only the people afflicted with religious delusions could tell the difference between a human being and a deciduous tree! Wouldn't it be nice if a Catholic could look at a tree and recognize it for what it was, a fucking tree?

I mean really, any slightly ovoid shape that resembles a vagina and boom, idiots are lining up around the block to drool on their T-shirts and say "Wow, she really was a virgin". Give me a break.

Tree wounds where branches have been cut off are a leading provider of fact-free delusions. And it always seems that the imaginary psuedo-deities seen in these trees just happens to be from the brand of religious delusion from which the discovering fool already suffers.

The human mind is a very powerful pattern recognition device. It is so good at recognizing patterns that it sees things that are not there. This may have served a survival purpose for people catching a glimpse of something moving in the bushes a hundred thousand years ago, but it is not always a bonus. The psychological phenomenon that allows people to see familiar objects that are not really there is called pareidolia. And speaking of seeing familiar things, how do these people know what this fictitious virgin looks like in the first place? Did the apostles have a Canon camera?

It is important to learn how to tell the difference between make believe and reality. It can be very helpful in curing a religious delusion. And really, 2,000 years ago there were very few mothers with perfectly intact hymens. For example none. Still, hymen stories do sell.

Technorati Tags: Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree, virgin, pareidolia, Midland, hymen, whole thing, took it, Jebus, mother of God, marian apparition

7 comments.

Our Lady of the Painful Looking Road Rash

Posted on May 7th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Road Rash.

In California USA a motorcyclist recently had an incident of premature contact with the road surface, a well known hazard for motorcyclists. But Marc Lipton, a gentleman who is apparently afflicted with religious beliefs, is of the opinion that he can see The Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God With Perfectly Intact hymen in the road rash on his leg.

It sure looks painful to me, and we're glad Mr Lipton was not hurt more seriously when his bike went down. But, ahem, well Mr Lipton we have seen other hallucinations in which the intact hymen was easier to see. There are many people, no doubt young ones among them, who search the internet day and night for hymen photos, hymen drawings, and hymen information - and who better to illustrate the beauty of the human reproductive system then the Mommy of God! But this particular hallucination may not measure up to a grilled cheese sandwich, or the potato from Riverside CA hymen viewing levels.

With her never once took it intact Hymen, even after she was married, except for just that one time when God raped her while she was just an underaged minor child, she mostly, except for the rape, is a virgin. And oh yeah, her Son is God too. I'm not saying "Oh God is he cute" I'm saying the Big Guy, the Head Cheese, the Top Banana, the Virgin God who Liked Guys, we are talking Jeebus here, people.

If your mother ran around town all the time bragging about being a virgin it might give you teh gay too.

We hardly expect all mothers to be virgins, and with Mother's Day fast approaching, and billions of wonderful mothers here on this planet, we wonder what the heck is all of this virginity stuff about? Hello, women are not sex toys made for the pleasure of domineering Austrian fathers. Women deserve respect, and mothers deserve even more respect. So why demean ordinary human mothers by suggesting that a Holy Virgin Mother with perfectly intact Hymen is somehow better? I just don't get it. Virginity is an inconvenience that can easily be remedied using a very pleasant and enjoyable procedure. I sure don't wish I still had my virginity, and if I got it back I'd try to lose it again ASAP.

So, really, whoop dee doo, so she never once took the whole thing. La dee da. I'm like, so impressed.

I hope he does not put his leg up on eBay.

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Virgin Mary, Motorcycle, Pareidolia, California, motorcyclist, Mother of God, Intact Hymen, Virginity, Mother's Day

0 comments.

Our Lady Of Blinding Peasants in India

Posted on March 12th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, malicious nonapparitions.

We're not exactly sure what happened in this case, but it seems that the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God, who never once took the whole thing or even a little bit, got really pissed off with a bunch of people in India. It seems She, in Her Mercy, tricked them into looking at the Sun expecting to find a Holy Virgin Mother with Perfectly Intact Holy Hymen. But no, instead of an apparition or even an optical illusion, these sort of darkish colored folks were tricked by this malicious Bitch Virgin God Mommy into staring directly at the Sun.

We wonder how many of these malicious actions the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God With Perfectly Intact Hymen will be able to pull off before a police department somewhere works up the courage to arrest God's Mommy for her crimes against the poverty stricken people of India. Bitch!

Technorati Tags: Virgin Mary, Marian Apparitions, Mother of God, Holy Virgin, Malicious Apparitions, Hymen, whole thing

4 comments.

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