Virgin Mary (again)

Our Lady of the Completely Unconvincing Tree Stump

Posted on July 9th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

People in Limerick Ireland whose critical thinking skills may already be subject to some doubt based on their ludicrous religious delusions have convinced themselves and each other that the tree stump shown here is really a 2,000 year old underaged Virgin mother who was raped by an invisible super pal of Casper the Ghost.

As the fairy tale goes, the invisible super ghost somehow injected his super sperm into the tree stumps hot juicy love canal without tampering with her blessed virginity.

Normally these preposterous claims of virgin mothers making surprise cameo appearances that only people afflicted with ridiculous beliefs can recognize involve at least some sort of an image that vaguely resembles the Holy Vagina with Intact Hymen. But this ugly tree stump looks just like an ugly tree stump.

Still, with all of the reports in Ireland of hundreds of priests raping children, we're sure the Holy Roman Boy Rape Church is delighted with this silly distraction.

Technorati Tags: Boy rape, Catholic Church, intact hymen, marian apparition, stupid religions, woody virgins, Limerick, Ireland

6 comments.

Our Lady of Yet Another Boring Tree Trunk

Posted on January 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

If you gave up on imaginary virgin mothers of imaginary deity babies with imaginary super powers for your New Years resolution, then read no further. In yet another highly boring imaginary tree trunk appearance, the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once took the whole thing into her perfectly pure and un-penetrated vagina with sacred intact hymen is now appearing on a tree in Scarborough, ON in Canada. We get a lot of these tree trunk apparitions because of the way that sap often oozes out of a wound on a tree, then disperses into a gradually widening pattern as gravity and rain wash it down the outside of the tree. With a wound on a tree, often from pruning, we get the nice round shape of a virgin head, or a clitoris, then as the sap from the tree wound spreads into a gradually widening pattern as it inches down the tree we get a shape that resembles a cape held open by a woman with a perfectly intact hymen, or the labia around a vagina.
It is perfectly obvious that this latest and unusually lame sighting is just a tree trunk, but for those desperate to find a sign of something they imagine is true it seems so tempting and inviting.

We do not know exactly why Catholics tend to obsesess so much on the status of God's mommy's honey pot, but they sure do love to brag about how she never once took the whole thing. Do you suppose that after the imaginary deity was allegedly born poor old Joseph got to play hide the sausage at all? Or did she get assumed directly up into heaven, as the frequently told tall tale goes, because her hymen was still intact and she never, ever, once got laid?

It sure does seem as though Catholics are inclined to recognize any natural shape that resembles a vagina as another Marian Apparition, very strange, it might mean something I suppose. Could it be Oedipal?

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Virgin Birth, pareidolia, Intact Hymen, unpenetrated vagina, virginity, vulva, labia sexual purity, Scarborough, Ontario, Canada, Holy Maruy, woddy, virginity, sex, Jeebus, Baby Jesus, St Joseph

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree

Posted on July 11th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

People in Midland Texas who are afflicted with Catholicism and no common sense at all are claiming that a 2,000 year old Jewish virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, who has never once taken the whole thing, is now appearing in a local tree.

Now when I were a wee lad in a country village, I was very fond of climbing trees. But very few people ever saw me in a tree and said, look, a 2,000 year old virgin. And of course as an actual human child it was fairly easy to tell what was me and what was a tree.

If only the people afflicted with religious delusions could tell the difference between a human being and a deciduous tree! Wouldn't it be nice if a Catholic could look at a tree and recognize it for what it was, a fucking tree?

I mean really, any slightly ovoid shape that resembles a vagina and boom, idiots are lining up around the block to drool on their T-shirts and say "Wow, she really was a virgin". Give me a break.

Tree wounds where branches have been cut off are a leading provider of fact-free delusions. And it always seems that the imaginary psuedo-deities seen in these trees just happens to be from the brand of religious delusion from which the discovering fool already suffers.

The human mind is a very powerful pattern recognition device. It is so good at recognizing patterns that it sees things that are not there. This may have served a survival purpose for people catching a glimpse of something moving in the bushes a hundred thousand years ago, but it is not always a bonus. The psychological phenomenon that allows people to see familiar objects that are not really there is called pareidolia. And speaking of seeing familiar things, how do these people know what this fictitious virgin looks like in the first place? Did the apostles have a Canon camera?

It is important to learn how to tell the difference between make believe and reality. It can be very helpful in curing a religious delusion. And really, 2,000 years ago there were very few mothers with perfectly intact hymens. For example none. Still, hymen stories do sell.

Technorati Tags: Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree, virgin, pareidolia, Midland, hymen, whole thing, took it, Jebus, mother of God, marian apparition

7 comments.

Our Lady of the Well Charred Sycamore Tree

Posted on November 14th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

In October 2007 there were suddenly over a dozen wildfires burning in Southern California. San Diego County was hit the hardest with hundreds of homes burnt to the ground, but even rural areas of Los Angeles County were affected too.

The Buckweed Fire along the Sierra Highway left one Sycamore tree dead in Agua Dulce, with its bark burnt off the standing trunk.

Since one part of the exposed tree trunk had a roughly vaginal-shaped area, persons afflicted with Catholicism have begun hallucinating an apparition of Our Lady of the Well Charred Sycamore Tree, the patron saint of wildfires and hundreds of houses burnt to the ground.

Since The Holy Virgin of Severely Burnt to Death Sycamore Trees is the Mother of God, and Since the Son of God has God as his Daddy, it is only through her perfectly intact hymen that was never once penetrated by any boy's naughty bits that we can thank God for being His own Son, His own Father, His Ghostly Spirit that glows in the dark, and His Grandpa, Grandson, and, you know - it's all in the family.

Poor Joseph. According to the official Catholic fairy tales he never even got any once, because Our Lady of the Well Charred Sycamore Tree was auto-uplifted directly into heaven using a sooper-seekrit invisible elevator technique as a still perfectly hymen-intact virgin at the time when she would have otherwise died if she had even once taken the whole thing.

I wonder if God had to wait until a certain specific time of day to use the sooper-seekrit invisible elevator to get his Mommy up to heaven? What with the Earth rotating it seems like the optimal timing for the most direct ascent trajectory would depend to a great degree on the time of day in Israel. The time of year would have been a factor too, what with the Earth rotating on an axis that is not perfectly perpendicular to the Sun.

I guess the Son of Virgin Mommy, whose Daddy was God which is Him Himself, could have made certain adjustments to the orbital trajectory of the planet in order to line up the Holy Hymen with the Heavenly hosts.

Technorati Tags: Hymen, Marian Apparition, Holy Virgin Mother of God, Our Lady of the Well Charred Sycamore Tree, Agua Dolce, Sycamore Tree, pareidolia, fairy tales, incest, Virgin Mary, Miraculous Assumption, Assumption of Mary, virgin, virginity, vagina

2 comments.