Our Lady of the Not Very Convincing Grill Smear

Posted on May 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Food Industry Virgins, High Cholesterol Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

Our Lady of the Not Very Convincing Grill SmearIn the small town of Calexico, a Sonoran desert town on the border of California and Mexico, persons who were already afflicted with ridiculous Catholic-brand religious delusions reported a miraculous Marian apparition on a restaurant grill that was being cleaned when a shape, vaguely phallic or reminiscent of a butt plug, appeared on the surface of the grill.

News reports of this "miracle" have cited the fact that Mexican wrestlers wearing masks believe the image is literally a 2,000 year old virgin who never once had a penis penetrate her vagina causing her virgin hymen to tear. Or it could be a penis. Or a butt plug. Our Lady of the Mexican Butt PlugLike the ones you can buy at this website.

No doubt this miraculous appearance by the mother of a deity who was born so humans could kill him in an effort to persuade himself to forgive humans for killing him is related somehow to the recent H1N1 virus outbreak that threatens the menudo supply.

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Our Lady of the Shrink Wrapped Pot Roast

Posted on May 1st, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Edible Virgins, High Cholesterol Sightings, New Sightings.

Two American ladies, locale not specified, have located the Holy Virgin Mother of God posing as a beef pot roast in their local supermarket.

Some commercials ask "Where's the beef?", but if those marketing people were really clever they might ask instead "Where's the Virgin?", and of course, who doesn't like eating a virgin?

It has been known for some time that eating God is not only acceptable, but rather a sign of piety of the highest magnitude. So what the heck, if it is OK to eat God, why not eat God's mother too? After all, she is a Virgin, so no worries about STDs.

I like rare fillet of Virgin hymen, or water chestnuts wrapped in un-penetrated and lightly roasted labia, and of course we always use Extra Virgin Olive Oil to saute our Holy Virgin Mother of God fried beef steaks. You can also make your Virgin Mary Jerk by rubbing her in certain areas with a mixture of salt and spices.

If you consume Jesus' Blood, a wheat gluten Jesus meat slice (it's wafer thin!), and a healthy Virgin Mary pot roast all in one day you can be excused from going to Mass for one whole week.

And whenever I'm off for an extended trip to the Holy Land in search of Virgin Mary tampon relics, I always take along some Holy Mary Mother of God Virgin Beef Jerky to help keep up my energy. It's nutritious and high in piety too.

Where's the Virgin? She's what's for dinner!

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