Virgin Mary (again)

Our Lady of Obviously Just a Column of Ice

Posted on February 5th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

In Plymouth Michigan this week a gentleman who might seem to be afflicted with Catholic-brand religious delusions has convinced himself that he can see a 2,000 year old Virgin Mother with Perfectly Intact Hymen in a column of ice outside his mobile home. And of course if he imagines that he is recognizing a woman that he has never met and who quite likely never existed, then only his belief is required to convince a person who has already chosen to accept as true absolutely ridiculous ancient fairy tales of virgin births and infants with super powers inherited from their invisible Sky Daddy.

Lionel Gonzalez says "This is unbelievable" and on that one point we certainly do agree. We do not believe that frozen water in a Michigan mobile home park is a sign of divine intervention at the home of a highly suggestible fellow who is known to already believe completely fact-free fairy tales.

On our rating scale of Marian Apparitions, which starts at utterly preposterous and goes all the way up to laughably ridiculous, this very silly incident gets only utterly preposterous for a 1 on a scale of 1 to 5.

Looking at this columnar shaped piece of ice it only vaguely resembles the shape of a human vagina that has never once been penetrated by a stiff, manly, rock hard penis. You can't even see her completely virginal and absolutely intact hymen. If this formation ever spawned we think it would just be ice cubes, and not divine sons of a super duper sky faerie sent here to be murdered by humans so that the angry, confrontational, temper-prone Sky Faerie Daddy can forgive us humans because at least we killed his Son.

Religious delusions aside, it's just frozen water and nothing more. If Mister Gonzalez intends to sell this Holy Mary Mother of God Icicle on eBay he better get with it quickly before the weather warms up and she melts like the witch in The Wizard of Oz.

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Ice, hymen, vagina, virgin, penis, Sky Faerie, Son of God, pareidolia, virgin mother, eBay, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Michigan, Plymouth, Lionel Gonzalez, penis, fairy tales, unbelievable

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Amsterdam Drag Show

Posted on January 7th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Bonus Extra Sightings, Drag Queen Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings.

[ED comment: For nearly a year now we have diligently researched and ridiculed over 40 supposed sightings of an alleged virgin claimed to be the mother of an imaginary ancient Jewish super pal. This one is just for fun.]

During the pagan winter festival celebrated every year at the winter solstice, and famously hijacked by Christianity a long time ago, a new sighting of the Virgin Mary was reported in the famous European city of Amsterdam.

It was during a Pink Christmas party thrown by the Amsterdam City Council that the famous ancient virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, made an appearance seeming to look just like the local drag performer Miss Wendy. (S)he was pretty hot too!

A male entertainer known as Wendy Mills posed as Mary in a blonde wig and high-heeled black boots and holding a plastic doll. Another man played Joseph in black leather trunks and a silver shawl.

The five-person manger scene was staged off the street, in the courtyard of a nightclub. Visitors were invited to be photographed with the group. The first was 3-month-old Lily Pink Albers, Mills' niece.

Of course some people famously can't take a joke, and it seems that all of them think an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is on their side. In fact people suffering from Jeebus-brand religious delusions were a wee bit upset about the manger display. The paradoxically named group Christians for Truth was apparently quite upset, although Creationists for Science had no comment.

Tee hee. (story)

Technorati Tags: Hymen, Virgin Mary, Marian Apparition, Holy Mary Mother of God, Jeebus, Jesus, Virgin Birth, Miss Wendy, drag, Christians for Truth

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Rotten Green Seedless Grape

Posted on September 6th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In an effort to promote The Sanctity of Hymens, the Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once yelled "Yes!" while some disgusting pig man was sliding the whole thing into her poontang, She, in Her Mercy, has caused a green seedless grape to rot and begin smelling like an unpenetrated hymen to inspire virginity among undocumented agricultural harvesters who pick grapes to give praise to Jeebus. At least that is what they are saying.

Usually grapes are just food, people eat them. Of course grapes can also be used to make wine if you do not have any deity around to auto-convert fluoridated city water into wine for you. But in this startling case a woman that was not even afflicted with Roman Catholic religious delusions discovered this unmistakable message from a fictional virgin believed to be the virginal mother of a half god half man edible deity. Becky Ginn of Arlington Texas suffers from Baptist-flavor religious delusions, and is not a Catholic at all. But apparently Ms Ginn does believe that virgin women can have babies without the direct intervention of a fertility doctor.

The grapes were rotten, and Ms Ginn was about to throw them in the trash, when she recognized on one rotten grape the image of a woman she had never met. It's funny that nobody who has never met regular people recognizes their image on a grape. It seems that a person needs to have a perfectly virginal and unpenetrated hymen before grape appearances become possible.

Much can be said about the amazing visual pattern recognition skills of Ms Ginn, most people would not be so easily able to recognize a person they had never met or even seen in an actual photograph.

Let this grape serve as an inspiration for all undocumented immigrant farm workers who pick grapes for below minimum wages and are constantly in fear of some Republican candidate exploiting their marginal situation for political gain, and let the lesson be - save the rotten grapes to sell on eBay.

Technorati Tags: holy grape, hymen, virgin mary, divine fruit, pareidolia, Texas, catholic, immigrant farm workers, undocumented aliens, fictional virgins

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Shrink Wrapped Pot Roast

Posted on May 1st, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Edible Virgins, High Cholesterol Sightings, New Sightings.

Two American ladies, locale not specified, have located the Holy Virgin Mother of God posing as a beef pot roast in their local supermarket.

Some commercials ask "Where's the beef?", but if those marketing people were really clever they might ask instead "Where's the Virgin?", and of course, who doesn't like eating a virgin?

It has been known for some time that eating God is not only acceptable, but rather a sign of piety of the highest magnitude. So what the heck, if it is OK to eat God, why not eat God's mother too? After all, she is a Virgin, so no worries about STDs.

I like rare fillet of Virgin hymen, or water chestnuts wrapped in un-penetrated and lightly roasted labia, and of course we always use Extra Virgin Olive Oil to saute our Holy Virgin Mother of God fried beef steaks. You can also make your Virgin Mary Jerk by rubbing her in certain areas with a mixture of salt and spices.

If you consume Jesus' Blood, a wheat gluten Jesus meat slice (it's wafer thin!), and a healthy Virgin Mary pot roast all in one day you can be excused from going to Mass for one whole week.

And whenever I'm off for an extended trip to the Holy Land in search of Virgin Mary tampon relics, I always take along some Holy Mary Mother of God Virgin Beef Jerky to help keep up my energy. It's nutritious and high in piety too.

Where's the Virgin? She's what's for dinner!

Technorati Tags: hymen, labia, Virgin, cannibalism, Catholicism, communion, gluten, pot roast, Marian apparition, youtube, Catholic Church, cholesterol, pareidolia

5 comments.