Virgin Mary (again)

Our Lady of the Calcium Deposits on a Rock

Posted on February 27th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: New Sightings.

Water flowing down through cracks in the vertical surface of some large rocks has left calcium deposits on the surface, forming the telltale vaginal shape of a miraculous fictional virgin mother, or so says a caller to a Twin Falls Idaho newspaper.

Shoshone Falls, Idaho.

Visitors to the site disagree about this instance of mineral deposits on a rock face, thinking it does not look at all liking any Imaginary Virginal God Mother, but a local priest intent on maximizing revenue for the Holy Roman Catholic Tax Free Empire is happy to promote this shared hysteria. But let not naysayers discourage the faithful, said the Rev. Deacon John Hurley, a Roman Catholic clergyman at the Immaculate Conception Church in Buhl Idaho.

"Sightings or sometimes images in sacramentaries are personal in nature," he said. "It isn't a matter of the church saying we believe it or don't believe it. We simply respect the opinion of the individual and certainly don't discourage it. We believe these things can happen." says Father Hurley. If we remove the farcical disclaimers it might read like "There is no way the Church is going to acknowledge this hysteria as hysteria, because, after all, it's pretty darn good for the revenue stream."

We wonder, if someone impregnated this miraculous apparition of salts would the stones then give birth to Jesus' half-brother?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparition, Catholicism, Idaho

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Greasy Stovetop

Posted on March 5th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Uncategorized.

Sadly, eBay bidding has already closed for this miraculous image of the Virgin Mary that appeared on a stovetop in Roebling, NJ as proof that virgin mother quasi-deities are more powerful than formula 409. Indeed, as this eBay auction clearly proves, in all of human history there is not a single recorded case of any home cleaning solution dissolving a virgin mother of any imaginary deity. Not even Mr Clean can take away a grease stain created by His Mother!

You can clearly see in these two photos that the resemblance to the known photographs of Virgin Mary is remarkable. One is a closeup of the actual miracle, while the other illustrates the area of the stovetop where the miracle took place.

Not a single person that has ever visited this miraculous stove has ever been struck by a falling airplane, clearly demonstrating the miraculous power of this apparition to protect the faithful against falling airplanes and other aerial vehicles.

Were it not for the auction having already ended, you might have been able to enter a low starting bid of only $5,000 for this miracle that includes a defective stove with at least one miraculously missing knob.

As eBay auction listings are transient in nature, we have preserved the listing page for future generations as a PDF file. While this stove has been used, the vagina of the depicted virgin remains pure and chaste, with a fully intact hymen that has only been visited by one male, and He was just leaving.

Technorati Tags: virgin mary, hymen, vagina, stove, eBay, miracle, virginity, pareidolia, chumps

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree

Posted on July 11th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

People in Midland Texas who are afflicted with Catholicism and no common sense at all are claiming that a 2,000 year old Jewish virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, who has never once taken the whole thing, is now appearing in a local tree.

Now when I were a wee lad in a country village, I was very fond of climbing trees. But very few people ever saw me in a tree and said, look, a 2,000 year old virgin. And of course as an actual human child it was fairly easy to tell what was me and what was a tree.

If only the people afflicted with religious delusions could tell the difference between a human being and a deciduous tree! Wouldn't it be nice if a Catholic could look at a tree and recognize it for what it was, a fucking tree?

I mean really, any slightly ovoid shape that resembles a vagina and boom, idiots are lining up around the block to drool on their T-shirts and say "Wow, she really was a virgin". Give me a break.

Tree wounds where branches have been cut off are a leading provider of fact-free delusions. And it always seems that the imaginary psuedo-deities seen in these trees just happens to be from the brand of religious delusion from which the discovering fool already suffers.

The human mind is a very powerful pattern recognition device. It is so good at recognizing patterns that it sees things that are not there. This may have served a survival purpose for people catching a glimpse of something moving in the bushes a hundred thousand years ago, but it is not always a bonus. The psychological phenomenon that allows people to see familiar objects that are not really there is called pareidolia. And speaking of seeing familiar things, how do these people know what this fictitious virgin looks like in the first place? Did the apostles have a Canon camera?

It is important to learn how to tell the difference between make believe and reality. It can be very helpful in curing a religious delusion. And really, 2,000 years ago there were very few mothers with perfectly intact hymens. For example none. Still, hymen stories do sell.

Technorati Tags: Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree, virgin, pareidolia, Midland, hymen, whole thing, took it, Jebus, mother of God, marian apparition

7 comments.

Our Lady Of Blinding Peasants in India

Posted on March 12th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, malicious nonapparitions.

We're not exactly sure what happened in this case, but it seems that the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God, who never once took the whole thing or even a little bit, got really pissed off with a bunch of people in India. It seems She, in Her Mercy, tricked them into looking at the Sun expecting to find a Holy Virgin Mother with Perfectly Intact Holy Hymen. But no, instead of an apparition or even an optical illusion, these sort of darkish colored folks were tricked by this malicious Bitch Virgin God Mommy into staring directly at the Sun.

We wonder how many of these malicious actions the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God With Perfectly Intact Hymen will be able to pull off before a police department somewhere works up the courage to arrest God's Mommy for her crimes against the poverty stricken people of India. Bitch!

Technorati Tags: Virgin Mary, Marian Apparitions, Mother of God, Holy Virgin, Malicious Apparitions, Hymen, whole thing

3 comments.

Our Lady of the Shiny Polished Stone with Intact Hymen

Posted on February 25th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

A gentleman from Pocatello Idaho recently obtained a stone in Las Vegas, and upon returning home he began to polish the very attractive stone. Soon a pattern began to emerge and the gentleman imagined he was seeing the image of the 2,000 year old allegedly virgin mother of a super pal from invisible space behind the sky whose mommy, the gal in the stone, supposedly had an intact hymen that had never been pushed aside by a rock hard penis intent on penetrating her warm, fictional cavity. Some invisible sky ghost supposedly raped her, and she allegedly got pregnant with a super baby, just so humans could kill her super-powered son in order to persuade his Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy to forgive us, because, after all, we did kill his son for Him. This all makes sense, right?

Sergio Romero had never met this fictional virgin, and since she is an invention no one else had either. This did not discourage the gentleman from recognizing the image of a supposed virgin that neither he nor any other human being had ever seen.

Apparently the stone has had such a profoundly spiritual effect on Mr Romero that he intends to sell it on eBay to the gullible fool willing to waste the most cash. Truly, there is one born every minute. Imagine owning your own polished stone featuring a virginal vagina that never once took the whole thing, with a pure mineral intact hymen to prove it! Bid now, someone else may be more gullible than you are.

Technorati Tags: Virgin, marian apparition, mother of god, hail mary, holy mary mother of god, hymen, blessed virgin, pareidolia, Imaginary virgins, imaginary deities, chumps, hymen, eBay

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Ugly Stain on a Samoan Wall

Posted on September 17th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Sacred Water Stains.

The South Pacific nation of Samoa recently switched from driving on the right to driving on the left. Since that has absolutely nothing at all to do with non-existent virgin mothers of fictional deities, people in Samoa who are afflicted with ridiculous religious delusions therefore believe this obvious water stain on the wall of a church is an Apparition of The Holy Virgin Mary, Mother of God, with Perfectly Intact Virginal Hymen. A so-called Marian Apparition, a message from Jeebus' Mommy, saying, "Oy! watch out with that car, dodo head." Or maybe it means that her son can see you masturbating. Or it could be just mineral deposits left behind by rainwater, but that's just a guess that is consistent with the available facts.

The question is "How dumb do you have to be to see a fictional virgin in water marks on a wall?" and the answer is "Catholic."

We are used to hearing these silly stories from Mexico, Texas, and other areas with a high concentration of people exposed to Mexican culture and superstitions. This is the first case to reach our attention from a Pacific island nation. A New Zealand newspaper says

A week after Samoans prayed en masse for a safe switch to driving on the left, a vision of the Virgin Mary has appeared.

It is also true that this apparition happened about a week after I made that big pot of black bean soup and ended up farting like a racehorse all night. Could it be that the alleged virgin wants me to cut back on the beans, but she missed Palm Springs by about 7,000 miles?

What we have here is an obvious case of pareidolia. People see things they believe exist. People are especially prone to recognize human faces and figures in random patterns of swirls. This is not some mystical virgin with intact hymen and a super-baby, it's a freekin' stain on a wall. Jeebus! Like many other such sightings there is a vague resemblance to the shape of a vagina.

Technorati Tags: Samoa, Samoan Islands, Marian Apparition, hymen, vagina, virgin, Virgin Mary, mother of God, Jeebus, driving on left

19 comments.

Our Lady of the Amsterdam Drag Show

Posted on January 7th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Bonus Extra Sightings, Drag Queen Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings.

[ED comment: For nearly a year now we have diligently researched and ridiculed over 40 supposed sightings of an alleged virgin claimed to be the mother of an imaginary ancient Jewish super pal. This one is just for fun.]

During the pagan winter festival celebrated every year at the winter solstice, and famously hijacked by Christianity a long time ago, a new sighting of the Virgin Mary was reported in the famous European city of Amsterdam.

It was during a Pink Christmas party thrown by the Amsterdam City Council that the famous ancient virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, made an appearance seeming to look just like the local drag performer Miss Wendy. (S)he was pretty hot too!

A male entertainer known as Wendy Mills posed as Mary in a blonde wig and high-heeled black boots and holding a plastic doll. Another man played Joseph in black leather trunks and a silver shawl.

The five-person manger scene was staged off the street, in the courtyard of a nightclub. Visitors were invited to be photographed with the group. The first was 3-month-old Lily Pink Albers, Mills' niece.

Of course some people famously can't take a joke, and it seems that all of them think an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is on their side. In fact people suffering from Jeebus-brand religious delusions were a wee bit upset about the manger display. The paradoxically named group Christians for Truth was apparently quite upset, although Creationists for Science had no comment.

Tee hee. (story)

Technorati Tags: Hymen, Virgin Mary, Marian Apparition, Holy Mary Mother of God, Jeebus, Jesus, Virgin Birth, Miss Wendy, drag, Christians for Truth

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Freeway Underpass

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Obdulia Delgado, by her own admission, is afflicted with religious beliefs. She believes that invisible super pals live outside of space and time, yet somehow have voodoo like powers to control what happens in the real world. It is a very common malady for human beings to buy ancient fairy tales lock stock and barrel because their well-meaning and similarly afflicted parents slipped a bunch of preposterous ideas into their head while they were too young to evaluate fairy tales and reject them.

So it was that poor Obdulia, her brain operating on a host of false assumptions, was pre-disposed to see things that were not there and believe that they were.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, ancient fairy tales, concrete vagina

I'm not sure what you may see when you look at these road salt deposits on a concrete bridge structure, but to me it seems to resemble female genitalia. Could it be that what Obdulia Delgado really saw was Our Lady of the Concrete Vagina? That might explain the virginity angle. I don't think I know a single straight man that gets turned on by concrete.

In any case, it is clearly a case of pareidolia, innit?

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Fraudulent Tears of Blood

Posted on April 23rd, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, fraudulent sightings.

An Italian Catholic church custodian is on trial in Forli, Italy for committing religious fraud. If only this was a new trend!

Of course uttering the phrase religious fraud is as redundant as saying Republican liar, but in this case the fraud was so far over the top that even the Roman Catholic Church did not exploit it for financial gain. It seems that in this case the fraud was initially successful, allowing people who wanted to believe that an underage teenage child was raped by the creator of the universe to regard the fraud as proof of their completely delusional beliefs.

Two things are different in this case. First is that the perpetrator of this religious fraud was actually caught. The second difference is that the fraud became public knowledge. It seems as though the Catholic Church really is losing control over the government of Italy. An actual criminal prosecution of a religious huckster, especially the Roman Catholic brand of huckster, would have been completely unheard of back in the days when the Catholic Church was playing footsie with the Nazis.

This seems to be another case of fraud surrounding the Imaginary Virgin Mother (already fraudulent in this first place) of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy (completely anthropomorphic and fictitious) that raped his own mother before he was born, but she never even once had sex, honest, cross my fingers and all.

Flocks of curios[sic] people hurried to Santa Lucia Church in March 2006 to take a look at the statue after several elderly female churchgoers said they saw red drops on its face.

Perhaps the fact that a person already believes in preposterous yarns make it that much easier for them to accept additional ridiculous claims.

Technorati Tags: Vincenzo Di Costanzo, Forli, Italy, Fraud, Virgin Mary, statue, blood, tears, Santa Lucia Church, apparition, miracle, Catholic Church, weeping madonna

5 comments.

Our Lady of Looks Like an Ordinary Potato

Posted on March 16th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

Rita Sweeting of Vista, California is in the habit of perceiving the presence of a fictional virgin with intact hymen through which God the Son of God who is also God the Father of God and his own uncle and brother plus his own son and Daddy passed through being born. But she is still a virgin! The potato, we don't know that much about Rita, and after all, it is a bit personal.

Rita brought home a bag of potatoes, very nice looking potatoes, and perceived the image of a fictional virgin holding her son who is God, and well, we won't repeat the whole thing about being his own grandpa, son, uncle, and nephew. Anyway, when Rita looks at this potato she professes to see the Holy Virgin Mother of God with Perfectly Intact Hymen Covering Her Virtuous Virginal Vagina holding her son, possibly with a blue-colored diaper. It is Rita that says this, not your current blogger. Well, I made up the part about the blue diaper. Jesus would never wear a pink diaper, as that would be so gay. I wonder if the Baby Jesus's poop would stink or not? I'm sure the pope's poop stinks just like all the crap he spouts out of his mouth, but I digress.

I like to nuke a potato sometimes, then cut it open and mash it up a bit with the tines of a fork and drizzle some virgin olive oil on it. Woof! Rita likes virgin potatoes, I like virgin olive oil. Different tastes for different people.

Usually I add some salt and pepper too. I use kosher salt most often. If a potato is actually an apparition of the Holy Virgin Mother of God with Perfectly Intact Hymen Covering Her Virtuous Virginal Vagina holding her son is that still kosher food? I know Jesus was always telling people "Eat me", so I guess it would not be rude. If I nuked this potato and took it out onto the patio would that constitute eating out the Holy Virgin Mother of God with Perfectly Intact Hymen Covering Her Virtuous Virginal Vagina holding her son? So many questions!

Technorati Tags: hymen, vagina, virgin, holy mother of God, pareidolia, apparition, hallucination, olive oil, kosher food, Our lady, Virgin Mary

10 comments.

Our Lady of the Vagina Shaped Reflection on a Garage Door

Posted on September 20th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In Minersville Pennsylvania there is a house with glass windows that is across the street from a garage with a garage door. Sometimes the angle of the sun is such that the sun shines on the glass window of the house and a portion of that sunlight is reflected onto the surface of the garage door across the street. It's a miracle!

Who would have ever guessed that the angle of incidence could ever equal the angle of reflection? This proves she never took the whole thing!

It is obvious that this reflection shows us a virgin mother with perfectly intact hymen that has never once been penetrated by a penis that was attached to an old guy with a beard that created the Universe. And by comparing her Caucasian features to the extensive collection of photographs of The Holy Virgin Mother of God Who Was Made Pregnant By God and Gave Birth to God we can make a positive identification of this reflection as the actual Virgin Mary, again.

And how about that vagina shape! People that find reality too complicated and threatening can take refuge in the warm, juicy confines of her Perfectly Virginal Vagina with Intact Hymen. Then the only thing they have to worry about is whether Father O'Brien is still porking virginal altar boys down at the parish hall after Bingo every Friday night.

A Virgin Mother here, a Virgin Altar Boy there, hey, it sounds like we have everything required for a new religion. Let's call it the Holy Roman Altar Boy and Virgin Mommie Church. Dumbasses rule!

Technorati Tags: Vagina, Hymen, Altar Boys, Reflections, pareidolia, Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddies, Virgin Mothers, Marian Apparitions, stupidity, Catholicism, child rape, priests

8 comments.

Our Lady of the Pepperoni Pizza (no anchovies)

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

A cafeteria worker at an elementary school was cleaning a pizza pan when she discovered a stain that was resisting her efforts. Suddenly the Virgin Mary appeared before her eyes. Well, actually a stain appeared on the pizza pan. But having been taught by Father Sanchez that a good Catholic should never miss a chance to jump to a preposterous conclusion Guadalupe Rodriguez decided it was a miracle.

Obviously the Holy Mother of God likes pizza, but in a dream it was revealed that she does not like anchovies. They remind her of yeast infections in her Holy Virginal Genitalia.

How exactly does a baby pass through the birth canal if a lady still has an intact hymen? Wait, let me guess, I'm getting warmer, could it be A MIRACLE?

So next time you order a pizza to place as an offering before a graven image in your local Holy Roman Catholic Church, remember hold the anchovies.

Besides, her son can create fish on the spot if she changes her mind.

How come nobody ever sees an apparition of a parish priest molesting a child?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, anchovies, priest, mass hysteria, pizza

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Completely Unconvincing Tree Stump

Posted on July 9th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

People in Limerick Ireland whose critical thinking skills may already be subject to some doubt based on their ludicrous religious delusions have convinced themselves and each other that the tree stump shown here is really a 2,000 year old underaged Virgin mother who was raped by an invisible super pal of Casper the Ghost.

As the fairy tale goes, the invisible super ghost somehow injected his super sperm into the tree stumps hot juicy love canal without tampering with her blessed virginity.

Normally these preposterous claims of virgin mothers making surprise cameo appearances that only people afflicted with ridiculous beliefs can recognize involve at least some sort of an image that vaguely resembles the Holy Vagina with Intact Hymen. But this ugly tree stump looks just like an ugly tree stump.

Still, with all of the reports in Ireland of hundreds of priests raping children, we're sure the Holy Roman Boy Rape Church is delighted with this silly distraction.

Technorati Tags: Boy rape, Catholic Church, intact hymen, marian apparition, stupid religions, woody virgins, Limerick, Ireland

6 comments.

Our Lady of the Gnarly Tree Trunk

Posted on February 27th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Also in the year 2003, a year already made famous by a war based on a pack of lies, a lady who was admittedly afflicted with religious beliefs spotted a gnarly tree trunk in an area where some trees had been recently cut down in Passaic, New Jersey.

In order to boost up the hype in this incident, the press joined in the fray by repeating ad nauseum that the gnarly tree trunk from heaven was amidst a group of trees that had been "mysteriously cut down". Sometimes people use chainsaws to cut down trees, is a chainsaw mysterious? Others suggested there was no possible reason why the trees were cut down, concluding from this baseless claim that therefore God himself had cleared the trees because he wanted to show off his Mommy's vagina. Certainly nobody on the East Coast of the USA has ever cut down a tree for firewood, so yeah, that proves it was an Act Of God!

Is it just me, or do all of these miraculous apparitions resemble the shape of a human vagina? No harm in that, of course, half the people on this planet have vaginas.

In this case the tree seems to have suffered some damage to the labia, as can be seen on our left. Could this be as the result of a virgin birth? Obviously it did not happen when the tree was having intercourse!

To this day, Catholics in the Passaic area are still out there stumping for Mary.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, hallucinations, Catholicism, mass hysteria, apparitions, vaginas

0 comments.

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