Our Lady of the Storm Window Broken by a Rock

Posted on June 19th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, chromatic aberrration sightings.

Our Lady of the Storm Window Broken by a Rock, Jesup GA, Sapp family homeSome time ago a lawn mower propelled a rock which struck a window in the home of Greg and Debbie Sapp in Jesup, GA.

The rock damaged the outer glass of the dual pane window allowing the exchange of air and eventually creating a vagina-shaped mark on the inside of the window. It’s a miracle! How else can you explain the fact that a stain much like other stains in other defective dual pane windows appeared in a roughly vagina shaped form at the home of a family already afflicted with preposterous ancient superstitions about a pregnant virgin giving birth to a son who made her pregnant and was his own son, his own dad, and let’s not even think about the grandfather. God the Father, God the Son, God the Virgin Child Molester – patron saint of Catholic Priests.

Pareidolia is the psychological phenomenon that manifests itself in the strong tendency of the human mind to recognize shapes that are not there. In prehistoric times, when virgins seldom got pregnant or manifested themselves inside storm windows, it may have been very useful for human vision to be especially keen at recognizing the face of a tiger lurking behind that bush over there. So evolution may have favored those primates that were especially keen at quickly recognizing a familiar face, shape, or virgin bride who never once had a stiff, hard penis thrusting powerfully in and out of her hot, juicy love canal.

Seriously though, if you were the first one in your tribe to recognize a predator about to pounce you might have had better odds of living long enough to reproduce, thus giving your tendency to recognize vague shapes better odds of being passed on.

This does not mean that every time a human mind recognizes something familiar to their imagination in a nearby object that the face or shape recognized is really there. It does seem as though only people who think this imaginary ancient mother of a popular fictional character never took the whole thing – those folks are the ones who see her in defective window panes.

And it’s nice when rational people have another good reason to ridicule preposterous ancient fairy tales. At least, we enjoy it. If the Virgin Mary gave some hot looking guy a really great blow job she would still be a virgin, right? It’s all about a penis going into a vagina, which, makes me wonder why so many Catholic priests speak so highly of this innocent vagina-pure imaginary lady, I mean, she was never even an altar boy.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , ,

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Not Very Convincing Grill Smear

Posted on May 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Food Industry Virgins, High Cholesterol Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

Our Lady of the Not Very Convincing Grill SmearIn the small town of Calexico, a Sonoran desert town on the border of California and Mexico, persons who were already afflicted with ridiculous Catholic-brand religious delusions reported a miraculous Marian apparition on a restaurant grill that was being cleaned when a shape, vaguely phallic or reminiscent of a butt plug, appeared on the surface of the grill.

News reports of this “miracle” have cited the fact that Mexican wrestlers wearing masks believe the image is literally a 2,000 year old virgin who never once had a penis penetrate her vagina causing her virgin hymen to tear. Or it could be a penis. Or a butt plug. Our Lady of the Mexican Butt PlugLike the ones you can buy at this website.

No doubt this miraculous appearance by the mother of a deity who was born so humans could kill him in an effort to persuade himself to forgive humans for killing him is related somehow to the recent H1N1 virus outbreak that threatens the menudo supply.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , ,

2 comments.

Our Lady of the V for Vendetta Looking Rock

Posted on April 4th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, eBay Virgins.

Our Lady of the V for Vendetta Looking RockThe tendency of the human mind to recognize faces in inanimate objects where they actually do not appear is called Pareidolia. We like it because it provides us ample opportunity to mock ridiculous ancient superstitions about virgin mommies with perfectly intact hymens whose impregnation provider was an invisible ghost who was not named Casper but lives in a sooper-seekrit hidden location behind the sky and is at least 6,000 years old.

When Mike Passchier of Powell River, British Columbia, Canuckistan saw this rock he saw a golden opportunity involving a potential eBay auction. Arguably Mike is either afflicted with religious delusions about virgin mothers that never once took the whole thing or he is at least familiar with these fairy tales.
V for Vendetta
My lovely husband, on the other hand, does not suffer from religious delusions at all, and he saw the lead character from the movie V for Vendetta.

If you firmly believe that no human penis ever thrust repeatedly in and out of the Sacred and Chaste Vagina Of the Virgin Mary, gaining speed, until finally with a loud cry, well you know… If you believe she got pregnant because an Invisible Ghost transported Super Sperm directly into her girly parts, well, you are perhaps likely to believe this stone is a sacred relic.

But please, try to keep your superstitions out of my civil rights.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Shiny Polished Stone with Intact Hymen

Posted on February 25th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

Our Lady of the Shiny Polished Stone with Intact Virginal HymenA gentleman from Pocatello Idaho recently obtained a stone in Las Vegas, and upon returning home he began to polish the very attractive stone. Soon a pattern began to emerge and the gentleman imagined he was seeing the image of the 2,000 year old allegedly virgin mother of a super pal from invisible space behind the sky whose mommy, the gal in the stone, supposedly had an intact hymen that had never been pushed aside by a rock hard penis intent on penetrating her warm, fictional cavity. Some invisible sky ghost supposedly raped her, and she allegedly got pregnant with a super baby, just so humans could kill her super-powered son in order to persuade his Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy to forgive us, because, after all, we did kill his son for Him. This all makes sense, right?

Sergio Romero had never met this fictional virgin, and since she is an invention no one else had either. This did not discourage the gentleman from recognizing the image of a supposed virgin that neither he nor any other human being had ever seen.

Apparently the stone has had such a profoundly spiritual effect on Mr Romero that he intends to sell it on eBay to the gullible fool willing to waste the most cash. Truly, there is one born every minute. Imagine owning your own polished stone featuring a virginal vagina that never once took the whole thing, with a pure mineral intact hymen to prove it! Bid now, someone else may be more gullible than you are.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

0 comments.

Our Lady of Obviously Just a Column of Ice

Posted on February 5th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

Our Lady of Obviously Just a Column of IceIn Plymouth Michigan this week a gentleman who might seem to be afflicted with Catholic-brand religious delusions has convinced himself that he can see a 2,000 year old Virgin Mother with Perfectly Intact Hymen in a column of ice outside his mobile home. And of course if he imagines that he is recognizing a woman that he has never met and who quite likely never existed, then only his belief is required to convince a person who has already chosen to accept as true absolutely ridiculous ancient fairy tales of virgin births and infants with super powers inherited from their invisible Sky Daddy.

Lionel Gonzalez says “This is unbelievable” and on that one point we certainly do agree. We do not believe that frozen water in a Michigan mobile home park is a sign of divine intervention at the home of a highly suggestible fellow who is known to already believe completely fact-free fairy tales.

On our rating scale of Marian Apparitions, which starts at utterly preposterous and goes all the way up to laughably ridiculous, this very silly incident gets only utterly preposterous for a 1 on a scale of 1 to 5.

Looking at this columnar shaped piece of ice it only vaguely resembles the shape of a human vagina that has never once been penetrated by a stiff, manly, rock hard penis. You can’t even see her completely virginal and absolutely intact hymen. If this formation ever spawned we think it would just be ice cubes, and not divine sons of a super duper sky faerie sent here to be murdered by humans so that the angry, confrontational, temper-prone Sky Faerie Daddy can forgive us humans because at least we killed his Son.

Religious delusions aside, it’s just frozen water and nothing more. If Mister Gonzalez intends to sell this Holy Mary Mother of God Icicle on eBay he better get with it quickly before the weather warms up and she melts like the witch in The Wizard of Oz.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Amsterdam Drag Show

Posted on January 7th, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Bonus Extra Sightings, Drag Queen Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings.

Our Lady of the Amsterdam Drag Show[ED comment: For nearly a year now we have diligently researched and ridiculed over 40 supposed sightings of an alleged virgin claimed to be the mother of an imaginary ancient Jewish super pal. This one is just for fun.]

During the pagan winter festival celebrated every year at the winter solstice, and famously hijacked by Christianity a long time ago, a new sighting of the Virgin Mary was reported in the famous European city of Amsterdam.

It was during a Pink Christmas party thrown by the Amsterdam City Council that the famous ancient virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, made an appearance seeming to look just like the local drag performer Miss Wendy. (S)he was pretty hot too!

A male entertainer known as Wendy Mills posed as Mary in a blonde wig and high-heeled black boots and holding a plastic doll. Another man played Joseph in black leather trunks and a silver shawl.

The five-person manger scene was staged off the street, in the courtyard of a nightclub. Visitors were invited to be photographed with the group. The first was 3-month-old Lily Pink Albers, Mills’ niece.

Of course some people famously can’t take a joke, and it seems that all of them think an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is on their side. In fact people suffering from Jeebus-brand religious delusions were a wee bit upset about the manger display. The paradoxically named group Christians for Truth was apparently quite upset, although Creationists for Science had no comment.

Tee hee. (story)

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

0 comments.

Our Lady of Yet Another Boring Tree Trunk

Posted on January 1st, 2009 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins, fraudulent sightings.

Our Lady of Another Boring Tree Trunk, now appearing in Scarborough, Ontario, CanadaIf you gave up on imaginary virgin mothers of imaginary deity babies with imaginary super powers for your New Years resolution, then read no further. In yet another highly boring imaginary tree trunk appearance, the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once took the whole thing into her perfectly pure and un-penetrated vagina with sacred intact hymen is now appearing on a tree in Scarborough, ON in Canada. We get a lot of these tree trunk apparitions because of the way that sap often oozes out of a wound on a tree, then disperses into a gradually widening pattern as gravity and rain wash it down the outside of the tree. With a wound on a tree, often from pruning, we get the nice round shape of a virgin head, or a clitoris, then as the sap from the tree wound spreads into a gradually widening pattern as it inches down the tree we get a shape that resembles a cape held open by a woman with a perfectly intact hymen, or the labia around a vagina.
Virginal vagina with perfectly intact hymen same shape as Marian Apparitions It is perfectly obvious that this latest and unusually lame sighting is just a tree trunk, but for those desperate to find a sign of something they imagine is true it seems so tempting and inviting.

We do not know exactly why Catholics tend to obsesess so much on the status of God’s mommy’s honey pot, but they sure do love to brag about how she never once took the whole thing. Do you suppose that after the imaginary deity was allegedly born poor old Joseph got to play hide the sausage at all? Or did she get assumed directly up into heaven, as the frequently told tall tale goes, because her hymen was still intact and she never, ever, once got laid?

It sure does seem as though Catholics are inclined to recognize any natural shape that resembles a vagina as another Marian Apparition, very strange, it might mean something I suppose. Could it be Oedipal?

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Magnetic Resonance Imaging Scan

Posted on December 6th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins.

Our Lady of the Magnetic Resonance Imaging Scan CloseupIn the year 2002 Fort Pierce, Florida resident Pamela Latrimore was suffering from severe medical problems, despite the fact that she prayed every day to her Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy and his Perfectly Holy Mommie with Unpenetrated Intact Virgin Hymen. But of course, nothing fails like prayer.
Our Lady of the Magnetic Resonance Imaging Scan, Overview
In the course of her medical treatment Pamela had an MRI scan. Six years later, when looking at a print of the MRI scan, her step-daughter, also afflicted with religious delusions, hallucinated an apparition of The Holy Virgin of MRI Scans and Virginal Vaginas.

Since her daily prayers have completely failed to improve her medical or financial situation, this imaginary sighting of the imaginary virgin mother of an imaginary invisible sky faerie will be offered for sale on eBay. There is, after all, one born every minute.

The victim of these delusions states that she feels as though she is dying. Without seeming to notice any contradiction she also states that she believes Jeebus has been listening to her prayers. Perhaps Jeebus is listening but just doesn’t care, he certainly has not cured the poor lady of any of her many medical problems or her obvious religious delusions.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 comments.

Our Lady Of The Completely Unconvincing Oyster Shell

Posted on October 30th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, He Sells Sea Shells, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, eBay Virgins.

Our Lady of the Completely Unconvincing Oyster Shell A North Carolina man has found a fragment of an oyster shell on Wrightsville Beach which he is willing to suggest, to the suggestible, might possibly maybe look like a 2,000 year old virgin with a Perfectly Intact Holy Hymen that was never once penetrated by one of those naughty boy bits that stick out in front.

As the legend goes, God, who already existed, had sex with his own mother before he was born so she would get pregnant, but she did not have sex, but God knocked her up, then God had a son who was God. We are not sure if carpenters were rich enough in ancient Israel to own a mirror, but if Jesus’ faux dad Joseph had a mirror, just imagine Jesus standing in front of that mirror and saying Hello Dad, and then Hello Son. Now you are starting to get the picture.

It seems as though only sinful women get pregnant by having intercourse with their own husband, while really holy women get pregnant only by being raped by an invisible sky fairie. Please note we are talking about an invisible sky fairie here, not a garden variety homosexual fairy. As you can see the words are spelled differently.

How about that oyster shell? Did you bid yet? We sure didn’t.

Appearing on eBay as seller skatingtom7, the finder of this miraculous ex-crustacean holy relic is apparently willing to accept money for his lucky Virgin Mother Marian Apparition Miraculous Treasure Discovery.

If you have not even a trace of skeptical inclination and your critical thinking skills do not even exist, bid now!

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Chromatic Aberration on a Hospital Window

Posted on October 1st, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, chromatic aberrration sightings, defective reflection sightings.

Our Lady of the Chromatic Aberration on a Hospital Window Persons in Massachusetts who are arguably prone to hallucinations are reporting that they recognize the image of a Holy Virgin with Perfectly Intact Hymen (who never once took the whole thing) on a hospital window, despite the fact that none of the hallucinators have ever met or even seen a photograph of this alleged Perfect Hymen God Mommie, who may or may not have lived 2,000 years ago.

As the story goes, God raped his own underage teenage mother who was not old enough to consent to this out of wedlock act of fornication, then he got some poor sucker to marry her fast so she would not be stoned to death by her deity-obsessed tribe of genocidal warmongering persons of middle eastern descent. So God, who had sooper-seekrit voodoo sex with his own Mommy without penetrating her, made her pregnant with a bastard half breed baby that was part God, part dirty filthy human. But he *was* God, according to the story, so he was his own Daddy after somehow being born without disturbing his mom’s perfectly intact hymen.

But back to this week’s hallucination.

Mass Hallucination of Virgin with Intact Hymen

We find it interesting that the persons who recognize this obvious chromatic anomaly as a Virgin Mommy with Perfectly Intact Hymen seem to be, without exception, people who already suffer from the delusional belief that a virgin human gave birth to an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy 2,000 years ago. I am, like, so sure.

Is it real? Or is it the psychological phenomenon known as Pareidolia? We write the sarcasm, you decide.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , ,

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Rotten Green Seedless Grape

Posted on September 6th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

Our Lady of the Rotten Green Seedless GrapeIn an effort to promote The Sanctity of Hymens, the Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once yelled “Yes!” while some disgusting pig man was sliding the whole thing into her poontang, She, in Her Mercy, has caused a green seedless grape to rot and begin smelling like an unpenetrated hymen to inspire virginity among undocumented agricultural harvesters who pick grapes to give praise to Jeebus. At least that is what they are saying.

Usually grapes are just food, people eat them. Of course grapes can also be used to make wine if you do not have any deity around to auto-convert fluoridated city water into wine for you. But in this startling case a woman that was not even afflicted with Roman Catholic religious delusions discovered this unmistakable message from a fictional virgin believed to be the virginal mother of a half god half man edible deity. Becky Ginn of Arlington Texas suffers from Baptist-flavor religious delusions, and is not a Catholic at all. But apparently Ms Ginn does believe that virgin women can have babies without the direct intervention of a fertility doctor.

The grapes were rotten, and Ms Ginn was about to throw them in the trash, when she recognized on one rotten grape the image of a woman she had never met. It’s funny that nobody who has never met regular people recognizes their image on a grape. It seems that a person needs to have a perfectly virginal and unpenetrated hymen before grape appearances become possible.

Much can be said about the amazing visual pattern recognition skills of Ms Ginn, most people would not be so easily able to recognize a person they had never met or even seen in an actual photograph.

Let this grape serve as an inspiration for all undocumented immigrant farm workers who pick grapes for below minimum wages and are constantly in fear of some Republican candidate exploiting their marginal situation for political gain, and let the lesson be – save the rotten grapes to sell on eBay.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Tree That Looks Just Like a Tree

Posted on July 11th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Woody Virgins.

An ordinary tree made out of wood in which deeply delusional people see an unpenetrated hymen belonging to a 2,000 year old Jewish ladyPeople in Midland Texas who are afflicted with Catholicism and no common sense at all are claiming that a 2,000 year old Jewish virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, who has never once taken the whole thing, is now appearing in a local tree.

Now when I were a wee lad in a country village, I was very fond of climbing trees. But very few people ever saw me in a tree and said, look, a 2,000 year old virgin. And of course as an actual human child it was fairly easy to tell what was me and what was a tree.

If only the people afflicted with religious delusions could tell the difference between a human being and a deciduous tree! Wouldn’t it be nice if a Catholic could look at a tree and recognize it for what it was, a fucking tree?

I mean really, any slightly ovoid shape that resembles a vagina and boom, idiots are lining up around the block to drool on their T-shirts and say “Wow, she really was a virgin”. Give me a break.

Tree wounds where branches have been cut off are a leading provider of fact-free delusions. And it always seems that the imaginary psuedo-deities seen in these trees just happens to be from the brand of religious delusion from which the discovering fool already suffers.

The human mind is a very powerful pattern recognition device. It is so good at recognizing patterns that it sees things that are not there. This may have served a survival purpose for people catching a glimpse of something moving in the bushes a hundred thousand years ago, but it is not always a bonus. The psychological phenomenon that allows people to see familiar objects that are not really there is called pareidolia. And speaking of seeing familiar things, how do these people know what this fictitious virgin looks like in the first place? Did the apostles have a Canon camera?

It is important to learn how to tell the difference between make believe and reality. It can be very helpful in curing a religious delusion. And really, 2,000 years ago there were very few mothers with perfectly intact hymens. For example none. Still, hymen stories do sell.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

6 comments.

Our Lady of the Painful Looking Road Rash

Posted on May 7th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Road Rash.

In California USA a motorcyclist recently had an incident of premature contact with the road surface, a well known hazard for motorcyclists. Our Lady of the Painful Looking Road Rash But Marc Lipton, a gentleman who is apparently afflicted with religious beliefs, is of the opinion that he can see The Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God With Perfectly Intact hymen in the road rash on his leg.

It sure looks painful to me, and we’re glad Mr Lipton was not hurt more seriously when his bike went down. But, ahem, well Mr Lipton we have seen other hallucinations in which the intact hymen was easier to see. There are many people, no doubt young ones among them, who search the internet day and night for hymen photos, hymen drawings, and hymen information – and who better to illustrate the beauty of the human reproductive system then the Mommy of God! But this particular hallucination may not measure up to a grilled cheese sandwich, or the potato from Riverside CA hymen viewing levels.

With her never once took it intact Hymen, even after she was married, except for just that one time when God raped her while she was just an underaged minor child, she mostly, except for the rape, is a virgin. And oh yeah, her Son is God too. I’m not saying “Oh God is he cute” I’m saying the Big Guy, the Head Cheese, the Top Banana, the Virgin God who Liked Guys, we are talking Jeebus here, people.

If your mother ran around town all the time bragging about being a virgin it might give you teh gay too.

We hardly expect all mothers to be virgins, and with Mother’s Day fast approaching, and billions of wonderful mothers here on this planet, we wonder what the heck is all of this virginity stuff about? Hello, women are not sex toys made for the pleasure of domineering Austrian fathers. Women deserve respect, and mothers deserve even more respect. So why demean ordinary human mothers by suggesting that a Holy Virgin Mother with perfectly intact Hymen is somehow better? I just don’t get it. Virginity is an inconvenience that can easily be remedied using a very pleasant and enjoyable procedure. I sure don’t wish I still had my virginity, and if I got it back I’d try to lose it again ASAP.

So, really, whoop dee doo, so she never once took the whole thing. La dee da. I’m like, so impressed.

I hope he does not put his leg up on eBay.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Fraudulent Tears of Blood

Posted on April 23rd, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, fraudulent sightings.

Our Lady of the Fraudulent Tears of Blood

An Italian Catholic church custodian is on trial in Forli, Italy for committing religious fraud. If only this was a new trend!

Of course uttering the phrase religious fraud is as redundant as saying Republican liar, but in this case the fraud was so far over the top that even the Roman Catholic Church did not exploit it for financial gain. It seems that in this case the fraud was initially successful, allowing people who wanted to believe that an underage teenage child was raped by the creator of the universe to regard the fraud as proof of their completely delusional beliefs.

Two things are different in this case. First is that the perpetrator of this religious fraud was actually caught. The second difference is that the fraud became public knowledge. It seems as though the Catholic Church really is losing control over the government of Italy. An actual criminal prosecution of a religious huckster, especially the Roman Catholic brand of huckster, would have been completely unheard of back in the days when the Catholic Church was playing footsie with the Nazis.

This seems to be another case of fraud surrounding the Imaginary Virgin Mother (already fraudulent in this first place) of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy (completely anthropomorphic and fictitious) that raped his own mother before he was born, but she never even once had sex, honest, cross my fingers and all.

Flocks of curios[sic] people hurried to Santa Lucia Church in March 2006 to take a look at the statue after several elderly female churchgoers said they saw red drops on its face.

Perhaps the fact that a person already believes in preposterous yarns make it that much easier for them to accept additional ridiculous claims.

Technorati Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

3 comments.