Virgin Mary (again)

Our Lady of the George Foreman Grill

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

In August 2006 a man in St. Louis MO was about to empty the grease tray of his George Foreman grill when he began hallucinating about a Virgin he had never met and never seen appearing in the grease stains.

Apparently there is a fairly good chance that the one born every minute could be a Catholic sometimes.

OK, sure, I can see that clearly. It is a George Forman grill grease tray, it has grease in it, and a reasonable person might conclude that someone in the John Milanos home eats meat.

This is one of the weaker instances of pareidolia, we doubt if this one will get much on eBay.

In any case, it is a good thing that Mr. Milanos was using a George Foreman grill, if he had pan fried that hamburger he could have accidentally eaten the Mother of God. Is it OK to eat a virgin? I know her son was always saying “Eat me” to people.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, george foreman, hallucinations

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Painful Looking Road Rash

Posted on May 7th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings, Road Rash.

In California USA a motorcyclist recently had an incident of premature contact with the road surface, a well known hazard for motorcyclists. But Marc Lipton, a gentleman who is apparently afflicted with religious beliefs, is of the opinion that he can see The Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God With Perfectly Intact hymen in the road rash on his leg.

It sure looks painful to me, and we’re glad Mr Lipton was not hurt more seriously when his bike went down. But, ahem, well Mr Lipton we have seen other hallucinations in which the intact hymen was easier to see. There are many people, no doubt young ones among them, who search the internet day and night for hymen photos, hymen drawings, and hymen information – and who better to illustrate the beauty of the human reproductive system then the Mommy of God! But this particular hallucination may not measure up to a grilled cheese sandwich, or the potato from Riverside CA hymen viewing levels.

With her never once took it intact Hymen, even after she was married, except for just that one time when God raped her while she was just an underaged minor child, she mostly, except for the rape, is a virgin. And oh yeah, her Son is God too. I’m not saying “Oh God is he cute” I’m saying the Big Guy, the Head Cheese, the Top Banana, the Virgin God who Liked Guys, we are talking Jeebus here, people.

If your mother ran around town all the time bragging about being a virgin it might give you teh gay too.

We hardly expect all mothers to be virgins, and with Mother’s Day fast approaching, and billions of wonderful mothers here on this planet, we wonder what the heck is all of this virginity stuff about? Hello, women are not sex toys made for the pleasure of domineering Austrian fathers. Women deserve respect, and mothers deserve even more respect. So why demean ordinary human mothers by suggesting that a Holy Virgin Mother with perfectly intact Hymen is somehow better? I just don’t get it. Virginity is an inconvenience that can easily be remedied using a very pleasant and enjoyable procedure. I sure don’t wish I still had my virginity, and if I got it back I’d try to lose it again ASAP.

So, really, whoop dee doo, so she never once took the whole thing. La dee da. I’m like, so impressed.

I hope he does not put his leg up on eBay.

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Virgin Mary, Motorcycle, Pareidolia, California, motorcyclist, Mother of God, Intact Hymen, Virginity, Mother’s Day

0 comments.

Our Lady of the eBay Driftwood, free Bonus Jesus

Posted on March 10th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: eBay Virgins, New Sightings.

When you bid on this authentic piece of actual driftwood at the famous eBay site you’ll get an extra bonus hallucination. That’s right, not only is the seller willing to suggest to those afflicted with Catholicism that this wood displays a wooden woman with a perfectly intact and unpenetrated hymen, for the same price he’s willing to have you believe she is holding an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy who is his own father, his own son, and the uncle of his spooky brother who is his uncle too, and his brother. And since the Bonus Jesus Imaginary Deity is the father of himself and his son whom he is, he is also his own grandfather, great-grandfather, grandson, great-grandson, and well it seems like a bit of a loop. It’s like buying your own trailer park.

So bid now on this exciting offer, we all know perfectly well that nobody has ever misrepresented any item being sold on eBay, plus if buying this product does not get you into heaven, you can request a full refund of the entire purchase price. Do your own DNA testing, you won’t find any sperm anywhere near this holy vagina!

Remember, web servers are standing by, so click now. It’s not just any free bonus Christ, it’s Jesus H Christ!

Technorati Tags: Vagina, virgin mary, hymen, bonus Jesus, free Christ, order now, eBay, pareidolia

2 comments.

Our Lady Of The Completely Unconvincing Oyster Shell

Posted on October 30th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, eBay Virgins, He Sells Sea Shells, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

A North Carolina man has found a fragment of an oyster shell on Wrightsville Beach which he is willing to suggest, to the suggestible, might possibly maybe look like a 2,000 year old virgin with a Perfectly Intact Holy Hymen that was never once penetrated by one of those naughty boy bits that stick out in front.

As the legend goes, God, who already existed, had sex with his own mother before he was born so she would get pregnant, but she did not have sex, but God knocked her up, then God had a son who was God. We are not sure if carpenters were rich enough in ancient Israel to own a mirror, but if Jesus’ faux dad Joseph had a mirror, just imagine Jesus standing in front of that mirror and saying Hello Dad, and then Hello Son. Now you are starting to get the picture.

It seems as though only sinful women get pregnant by having intercourse with their own husband, while really holy women get pregnant only by being raped by an invisible sky fairie. Please note we are talking about an invisible sky fairie here, not a garden variety homosexual fairy. As you can see the words are spelled differently.

How about that oyster shell? Did you bid yet? We sure didn’t.

Appearing on eBay as seller skatingtom7, the finder of this miraculous ex-crustacean holy relic is apparently willing to accept money for his lucky Virgin Mother Marian Apparition Miraculous Treasure Discovery.

If you have not even a trace of skeptical inclination and your critical thinking skills do not even exist, bid now!

Technorati Tags: skatingtom7, eBay, Hymen, vagina, Wrightsville Beach, North Carolina, Marian Apparition, Miraculous Sea Shell, Virgin Mary, Sea Shell, oyster Shell, miracle, pareidolia, one born every minute

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Calcium Deposits on a Rock

Posted on February 27th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: New Sightings.

Water flowing down through cracks in the vertical surface of some large rocks has left calcium deposits on the surface, forming the telltale vaginal shape of a miraculous fictional virgin mother, or so says a caller to a Twin Falls Idaho newspaper.

Shoshone Falls, Idaho.

Visitors to the site disagree about this instance of mineral deposits on a rock face, thinking it does not look at all liking any Imaginary Virginal God Mother, but a local priest intent on maximizing revenue for the Holy Roman Catholic Tax Free Empire is happy to promote this shared hysteria. But let not naysayers discourage the faithful, said the Rev. Deacon John Hurley, a Roman Catholic clergyman at the Immaculate Conception Church in Buhl Idaho.

“Sightings or sometimes images in sacramentaries are personal in nature,” he said. “It isn’t a matter of the church saying we believe it or don’t believe it. We simply respect the opinion of the individual and certainly don’t discourage it. We believe these things can happen.” says Father Hurley. If we remove the farcical disclaimers it might read like “There is no way the Church is going to acknowledge this hysteria as hysteria, because, after all, it’s pretty darn good for the revenue stream.”

We wonder, if someone impregnated this miraculous apparition of salts would the stones then give birth to Jesus’ half-brother?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparition, Catholicism, Idaho

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Magnetic Resonance Imaging Scan

Posted on December 6th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, eBay Virgins, Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In the year 2002 Fort Pierce, Florida resident Pamela Latrimore was suffering from severe medical problems, despite the fact that she prayed every day to her Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy and his Perfectly Holy Mommie with Unpenetrated Intact Virgin Hymen. But of course, nothing fails like prayer.

In the course of her medical treatment Pamela had an MRI scan. Six years later, when looking at a print of the MRI scan, her step-daughter, also afflicted with religious delusions, hallucinated an apparition of The Holy Virgin of MRI Scans and Virginal Vaginas.

Since her daily prayers have completely failed to improve her medical or financial situation, this imaginary sighting of the imaginary virgin mother of an imaginary invisible sky faerie will be offered for sale on eBay. There is, after all, one born every minute.

The victim of these delusions states that she feels as though she is dying. Without seeming to notice any contradiction she also states that she believes Jeebus has been listening to her prayers. Perhaps Jeebus is listening but just doesn’t care, he certainly has not cured the poor lady of any of her many medical problems or her obvious religious delusions.

Technorati Tags: vagina, hymen, intact virgin, photos, marian apparition, mother of God, Virgin Mary, pareidolia, imaginary sky faerie, jeebus, virginity, unpenetrated

3 comments.

Our Lady of the Miraculous Icicle

Posted on March 6th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: New Sightings.

Once again, the Holy Mother of God has chosen the US state of Texas for a miraculous apparition that can not possibly be explained by those annoying scientists and liberals.

Seeming to completely defy the laws of physics and our usual concepts of space and time, the only mother in human history who never took the whole thing has miraculously appeared in the form of an icicle in the most unlikely of places – a freezer.

Alma Avolos, an employee of Morton Thrifty Foods in Morton TX, noticed it was cold in the walk-in freezer just an instant before she saw this miraculous icicle that was inexplicably located beneath an area where condensation had begun to form. Any fool can clearly see that this is the Virginal Mother of God with perfectly intact, and indeed rigid and cold Virginal Vagina with an intact water-based hymen. Quite a few have already.

Gynecologists agree that there is no sign this Mother of God has ever engaged in sexual intercourse, not even with another icicle.

Morton Thrifty Foods has noted a huge increase in foot traffic which seems oddly linked to a decline in popsicle sales. A skeptical reporter who went to see the Freezer Shrine of Mary reported a cool reception. Hopefully this attitude will soon thaw. If this apparition had occurred three feet to the left, we’d all be saying Holy Cow!

Technorati Tags: hymen, virginity, cold as ice, virgin mary, apparition, miracle, texas

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Freeway Underpass

Posted on February 26th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Obdulia Delgado, by her own admission, is afflicted with religious beliefs. She believes that invisible super pals live outside of space and time, yet somehow have voodoo like powers to control what happens in the real world. It is a very common malady for human beings to buy ancient fairy tales lock stock and barrel because their well-meaning and similarly afflicted parents slipped a bunch of preposterous ideas into their head while they were too young to evaluate fairy tales and reject them.

So it was that poor Obdulia, her brain operating on a host of false assumptions, was pre-disposed to see things that were not there and believe that they were.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, ancient fairy tales, concrete vagina

I’m not sure what you may see when you look at these road salt deposits on a concrete bridge structure, but to me it seems to resemble female genitalia. Could it be that what Obdulia Delgado really saw was Our Lady of the Concrete Vagina? That might explain the virginity angle. I don’t think I know a single straight man that gets turned on by concrete.

In any case, it is clearly a case of pareidolia, innit?

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Obviously Stained Cloth

Posted on September 24th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Bonus Extra Sightings, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In Miami Florida, in a church of all places, people with a stunning lack of critical thinking skills are lining up to prove P. T. Barnum’s point, eagerly waiting to see a piece of cloth draped over an altar which allegedly shows an image of a Virginal Intact-Hymen Sex-Free Mother who never took a penis in her private parts even once and her son who created the entire Universe and his mother before he was born.

So, this one is in a church, OK. It’s not like the people in a church are already preselected for gullibility and the fervent desire to form ardent beliefs without a single shred of evidence. Or is it? I want to know why we never hear about Virgin Mary sightings in the gay section located in the back room of Adult DVD stores? Or maybe in a gay bar? I can tell you that if a real virgin was to make an apparition in a gay bar they certainly would be warmly welcomed. And why not, after all it is well known that gay men often call each other Mary. It’s true, virginity is a rare quality in mothers and gay men, so it seems there is a natural affinity between this mythical Virgin Mother With Perfectly Intact Hymen who never once took the whole thing and gay men who are always talking about taking the whole thing.

We know that there are self-loathing gay men that participate in the Party of Jesus through the Log Cabin Republicans. Maybe there could be a self-loathing Catholic gay group of men with no critical thinking skills that imagines they have a Virgin Mother Fag Hag friend up in the sky. We could call the group Virgin Gay Girlfriends for Mary, or something like that. Should priests be allowed to join Virgin Gay Girlfriends for Mary? Oh wait, it’s for virgins.

This extremely lame dumbass sighting of the imaginary Virgin Mother of the imaginary deity son of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is a bonus round too, because you get a free Jeebus with it if you are extra, piously gullible. Not to mention the perfectly intact hymen.

Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Hymen, Virgin Mary, Vagina, Gay Bar, Gay DVDs, Log Cabin Republicans, Virgin Mother Fag Hag, Gay Girlfriends for Mary, Priests, Catholic Church, Miami, Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy, Bonus Jeebus

2 comments.

Our Lady of the Rotten Green Seedless Grape

Posted on September 6th, 2008 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Edible Virgins, New Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

In an effort to promote The Sanctity of Hymens, the Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once yelled “Yes!” while some disgusting pig man was sliding the whole thing into her poontang, She, in Her Mercy, has caused a green seedless grape to rot and begin smelling like an unpenetrated hymen to inspire virginity among undocumented agricultural harvesters who pick grapes to give praise to Jeebus. At least that is what they are saying.

Usually grapes are just food, people eat them. Of course grapes can also be used to make wine if you do not have any deity around to auto-convert fluoridated city water into wine for you. But in this startling case a woman that was not even afflicted with Roman Catholic religious delusions discovered this unmistakable message from a fictional virgin believed to be the virginal mother of a half god half man edible deity. Becky Ginn of Arlington Texas suffers from Baptist-flavor religious delusions, and is not a Catholic at all. But apparently Ms Ginn does believe that virgin women can have babies without the direct intervention of a fertility doctor.

The grapes were rotten, and Ms Ginn was about to throw them in the trash, when she recognized on one rotten grape the image of a woman she had never met. It’s funny that nobody who has never met regular people recognizes their image on a grape. It seems that a person needs to have a perfectly virginal and unpenetrated hymen before grape appearances become possible.

Much can be said about the amazing visual pattern recognition skills of Ms Ginn, most people would not be so easily able to recognize a person they had never met or even seen in an actual photograph.

Let this grape serve as an inspiration for all undocumented immigrant farm workers who pick grapes for below minimum wages and are constantly in fear of some Republican candidate exploiting their marginal situation for political gain, and let the lesson be – save the rotten grapes to sell on eBay.

Technorati Tags: holy grape, hymen, virgin mary, divine fruit, pareidolia, Texas, catholic, immigrant farm workers, undocumented aliens, fictional virgins

0 comments.

Our Lady of the Irridescent Office Windows

Posted on February 27th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

UV blocking film applied to a group of office windows in Clearwater Florida was found to be irridescent in sunlight in 1997, providing us once again with a miraculous apparition of the Imaginary Virgin Mother of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy.

Eventually area teenagers became fed up with the extreme stupidity of this farcical apparition, and one night a few rocks were used to smash several of the windows. Is it sacrilegious to break a window that is coated with a UV film?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparitions, Florida, Catholicism

1 comment.

Our Lady of the Firewood Log

Posted on February 27th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

In March 2006 a Wisconsin woman was about to throw another log on the fire when she noticed a pattern that her brain perceived as an image of that famous tree-lady, the Holy Virginal Mother of God with the perfectly pure vagina that had never been penetrated even once.

Most of the miraculous appearances of the Virgin of the Forests reveal an average to slender build on the Super Virgin, but this fictional representation of a mythical character presents a fairly corpulent manifestation. Good for heavy people!

If I was an overweight lady that was afflicted with Catholicism I might take great comfort from this hallucination.

Or is she pregnant with the Intelligent Designer of the Universe?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Catholicism, Virgin Mary, apparitions, mass hysteria, Wisconsin, firewood

1 comment.

Our Lady of Obviously Just Tree Bark

Posted on February 27th, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Old Sightings.

Watsonville, California is a seaside farming community south of the more famous Santa Cruz. Many wonderful vegetables from the Brassica family flourish there because of the cool sea breezes.

In 1993 a woman was already praying to an Imaginary Virgin Mother, which may have preselected her to believe things that have no basis in reality, when she concluded that a perfectly ordinary wound in the bark of a nearby oak tree was actually an apparition of her favorite fictional quasi-deity character. And as sometimes happens when an obviously preposterous claim is made, it became a religious shrine. Religion is very useful when reality leaves us unsatisfied, it lets you believe anything at all without requiring annoying facts or rational explanations.

Once again, as seems always the case, this supposed apparition of a fictional virgin seems vaguely shaped like female genitalia, a virgin vagina of oak. And, really, sometimes an oak tree is just an oak tree.

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, Watsonville, apparition, miracle

0 comments.

Our Lady of The City of The Dead, Believe One, Get One Free

Posted on March 22nd, 2007 by Ungodly.
Categories: Amazingly Dumb Sightings, Bonus Extra Sightings, Old Sightings, Really Lame Sightings.

The City of Colma, California is famous primarily because of the fact that the vast majority of it’s citizens are dead. We’re talking in the ground, planted, buried. Most of the city consists of cemeteries. Some of the cemeteries are visited from time to time by people afflicted with Catholicism. And so, with the heightened emotional state of family members visiting grave-sites, the stage was set for an unusual dual sighting of the Miraculous Mother Mary with Completely Intact and Never Penetrated Hymen as proof of her Virtuous Vaginal Virginity.

In December, 1998 persons seemingly absent of critical thinking skills began reporting that they had hallucinated the presence of an imaginary Virgin Mother while looking at the obviously wooden wound on a tree in the Olivet Cemetery. As often happens in cases of this sort, crowds of people subject to belief in fairy tales began to converge on the scene.

In fact this particular incident of mass hysteria drew such large crowds that some would-be hallucinators had difficulty approaching the scene in order to ooh and ahh at the ordinary deciduous tree. That is when the second miracle occurred, members of the faithful who were shut out by the Catholics that got there first suddenly perceived an additional miraculous presence, a Totally Identical Virgin Mother of God who is the Father of God who is the Son of God who is God who may have been his own paternal grandfather. It was a sort of believe one get one free bonus, conveniently located in another part of the cemetery that was less crowded.

Fortunately the faithful who hallucinated at tree number one did not find it necessary to accuse those hallucinating at tree number two of crimes such as heresy, schism, or other crimes that are sometimes committed in the shade of a tree that has never been penetrated by a single penis, except of course for the little tiny Baby Penis of Jesus which passed, arguably uncircumcised, through the Miracle Vagina on his way out one cold night in Bethlehem. Mind you we make no claim that the Miraculous Penis of Jesus did anything overtly sexual as he was being born, after all, how can a Miraculous Virgin Mother of God still be chaste and pure if she has been spermed?

Technorati Tags: pareidolia, hymen, vagina, Virgin Mary, Jesus, Penis, Heresy, Schism, Cemetery, Hallucination, sperm, Mother of God, Marian apparition, critical thinking

0 comments.

Older » Next Page »