In Miami Florida, in a church of all places, people with a stunning lack of critical thinking skills are lining up to prove P. T. Barnum's point, 
eagerly waiting to see a piece of cloth draped over an altar which allegedly shows an image of a Virginal Intact-Hymen Sex-Free Mother who never took a penis in her private parts even once and her son who created the entire Universe and his mother before he was born.
So, this one is in a church, OK. It's not like the people in a church are already preselected for gullibility and the fervent desire to form ardent beliefs without a single shred of evidence. Or is it? I want to know why we never hear about Virgin Mary sightings in the gay section located in the back room of Adult DVD stores? Or maybe in a gay bar? I can tell you that if a real virgin was to make an apparition in a gay bar they certainly would be warmly welcomed. And why not, after all it is well known that gay men often call each other Mary. It's true, virginity is a rare quality in mothers and gay men, so it seems there is a natural affinity between this mythical Virgin Mother With Perfectly Intact Hymen who never once took the whole thing and gay men who are always talking about taking the whole thing.
We know that there are self-loathing gay men that participate in the Party of Jesus through the Log Cabin Republicans. Maybe there could be a self-loathing Catholic gay group of men with no critical thinking skills that imagines they have a Virgin Mother Fag Hag friend up in the sky. We could call the group Virgin Gay Girlfriends for Mary, or something like that. Should priests be allowed to join Virgin Gay Girlfriends for Mary? Oh wait, it's for virgins.
This extremely lame dumbass sighting of the imaginary Virgin Mother of the imaginary deity son of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is a bonus round too, because you get a free Jeebus with it if you are extra, piously gullible. Not to mention the perfectly intact hymen.
Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Hymen, Virgin Mary, Vagina, Gay Bar, Gay DVDs, Log Cabin Republicans, Virgin Mother Fag Hag, Gay Girlfriends for Mary, Priests, Catholic Church, Miami, Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy, Bonus Jeebus
In early 2005 The Holy Mother of God selected the Rold Gold brand of tasty snacks as a new avenue to reach the faithful with her message of divine reproduction by way of abstinence from sex.
In an ordinary Nebraska household occupied by a family afflicted with Catholicism, Mary miraculously caused a pretzel to become twisted into a shape and size that fit perfectly on an eBay auction page. 12 year old Crysta Naylor was munching on a bag of Rold Gold Honey Mustard Pretzels when she found an unusually shaped pretzel that appeared to be over 2,000 years old.
Reports do not indicate if the odd shaped pretzel was compared to the use by date on the package, but it is well known that most Rold Gold pretzels are nowhere near 2,000 years old when they reach the consumer. In fact archeologists have never discovered a pretzel in the wild that carbon dated as even 1,800 years old. This pretzel brought with it the potential for great scientific advances in our understanding of snack foods of the Biblical era.
Going beyond the usual miraculous apparition of just a Virgin Mother with completely intact Holy Hymen that had never been penetrated with a hot, manly rod - this miraculous apparition made of wheat flour and salt even included the incestuous love child of the Virgin Mary, who, according to reports, was his own father as well as his own Son. Anyone afflicted with Catholicism can easily explain that God is the Son of God but they are the same person. It's sort of like being your own grandpa, but with the addition of plagues of locusts.
After an eBay auction the pretzel became the property of a well known casino that buys grilled cheese sandwiches too. We are told that this casino welcomes patrons who are afflicted with Catholicism, and in the spirit of tolerance and multiculturalism, the bouncers do not eject gamblers who are observed praying to the Virgin of Tasty Snacks to bless them with good luck on the slots.
Technorati Tags: Virgin Mary, hymen, pretzels, pareidolia, eBay auctions, Nebraska, dumbass
Water flowing down through cracks in the vertical surface of some large rocks has left calcium deposits on the surface, forming the telltale vaginal shape of a miraculous fictional virgin mother, or so says a caller to a Twin Falls Idaho newspaper.
Shoshone Falls, Idaho.
Visitors to the site disagree about this instance of mineral deposits on a rock face, thinking it does not look at all liking any Imaginary Virginal God Mother, but a local priest intent on maximizing revenue for the Holy Roman Catholic Tax Free Empire is happy to promote this shared hysteria. But let not naysayers discourage the faithful, said the Rev. Deacon John Hurley, a Roman Catholic clergyman at the Immaculate Conception Church in Buhl Idaho.
"Sightings or sometimes images in sacramentaries are personal in nature," he said. "It isn't a matter of the church saying we believe it or don't believe it. We simply respect the opinion of the individual and certainly don't discourage it. We believe these things can happen." says Father Hurley. If we remove the farcical disclaimers it might read like "There is no way the Church is going to acknowledge this hysteria as hysteria, because, after all, it's pretty darn good for the revenue stream."
We wonder, if someone impregnated this miraculous apparition of salts would the stones then give birth to Jesus' half-brother?
Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparition, Catholicism, Idaho
Visitors to GoDaddy and whois servers reported the miraculous sighting of a Virgin Mary website on their flat panel LCD displays on Monday February 26, 2007.
Web pundits have conjectured that Our Lady of Intact Hymen was making an appearance at the home of a queer webmaster, possibly seeking fashion and accessory tips. Some have suggested that Her dress style is outdated.
We'll be reporting in more detail as the situation develops. Please stay tuned to http://VirginMaryAgain.com/
Technorati Tags: hallucinations, pareidolia, apparitions, Virgin Mary, catholicism, urban myths
In the year 2002 Fort Pierce, Florida resident Pamela Latrimore was suffering from severe medical problems, despite the fact that she prayed every day to her Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy and his Perfectly Holy Mommie with Unpenetrated Intact Virgin Hymen. But of course, nothing fails like prayer.
In the course of her medical treatment Pamela had an MRI scan. Six years later, when looking at a print of the MRI scan, her step-daughter, also afflicted with religious delusions, hallucinated an apparition of The Holy Virgin of MRI Scans and Virginal Vaginas.
Since her daily prayers have completely failed to improve her medical or financial situation, this imaginary sighting of the imaginary virgin mother of an imaginary invisible sky faerie will be offered for sale on eBay. There is, after all, one born every minute.
The victim of these delusions states that she feels as though she is dying. Without seeming to notice any contradiction she also states that she believes Jeebus has been listening to her prayers. Perhaps Jeebus is listening but just doesn't care, he certainly has not cured the poor lady of any of her many medical problems or her obvious religious delusions.
Technorati Tags: vagina, hymen, intact virgin, photos, marian apparition, mother of God, Virgin Mary, pareidolia, imaginary sky faerie, jeebus, virginity, unpenetrated
Sadly, eBay bidding has already closed for this miraculous image of the Virgin Mary that appeared on a stovetop in Roebling, NJ as proof that virgin mother quasi-deities are more powerful than formula 409. Indeed, as this eBay auction clearly proves, in all of human history there is not a single recorded case of any home cleaning solution dissolving a virgin mother of any imaginary deity. Not even Mr Clean can take away a grease stain created by His Mother!
You can clearly see in these two photos that the resemblance to the known photographs of Virgin Mary is remarkable. One is a closeup of the actual miracle, while the other illustrates the area of the stovetop where the miracle took place.
Not a single person that has ever visited this miraculous stove has ever been struck by a falling airplane, clearly demonstrating the miraculous power of this apparition to protect the faithful against falling airplanes and other aerial vehicles.
Were it not for the auction having already ended, you might have been able to enter a low starting bid of only $5,000 for this miracle that includes a defective stove with at least one miraculously missing knob.
As eBay auction listings are transient in nature, we have preserved the listing page for future generations as a PDF file. While this stove has been used, the vagina of the depicted virgin remains pure and chaste, with a fully intact hymen that has only been visited by one male, and He was just leaving.
Technorati Tags: virgin mary, hymen, vagina, stove, eBay, miracle, virginity, pareidolia, chumps
Over 25,00 members of the faithful flocked to Milton Hospital in Milton, Massachusetts in 2003 to see a miraculously defective double glazed window. Apparently the Holy Mother of God is able to cause rubber gaskets in insulated windows to fail with the superpower of her Miraculous Vagina.
The seal in this window had failed many years ago, and alas for the poor neglected virgin it took 5 years before anybody noticed her presence near the top of a Miraculous Brick Wall.
Unfortunately Milton Hospital is not a psychiatric facility, so there was no use in admitting any of the 25,000 who appeared in just one weekend. Certainly Action News (film at 11) must have played a part in whipping up the hysteria, it's good for the ratings, you know?
Stories suggest the hospital had contacted local representative of the Catholic Church Corporation, trying to get them to restrain the faithful. Later the hospital administrator, seeming to like his job, said "No, No, No we love religious nutjobs" or something to that effect.
Finally, in an apparent attempt to control the throngs of religiously-afflicted onlookers the hospital installed a drape on the outside of the window which they kept lowered during the daytime, allowing it to be viewed only after regular business hours.
Technorati Tags: pareidolia, Virgin Mary, apparitions, rubber gaskets, hysteria
In one of the most famous cases of pareidolia in recent US history, a woman afflicted with Catholicism imagined she saw and recognized the image of Our Lady of The Grilled Cheese Sandwich as she was making a grilled cheese sandwich.
Now I feel pretty confident that if the image of a member of my family appeared in a food item I intended to consume, I'd likely recognize that image because I know what the faces of my family members look like. But I wonder when it was that this nice American Catholic lady met Our Lady of Velveeta in the first place. After all, it is difficult to recognize the face of someone we have never seen before.
Did the inDUHvidual that made this miraculous discovery previously see a photograph of Our Lady of Nutrition-Free Bread and Sickening Imitation Cheese that was taken 2,000 years ago, just before her miraculous ascension into fairy tale land? And gee, once Our Lady Of American Cheeselike Goop on Bland Bread left the atmosphere of planet Earth, how did she continue breathing?
Is there, indeed, any living person who has ever actually seen this fictional virgin mother of an imaginary deity? Perhaps not.
So here is the thing, often people attribute recognition falsely. In this case the original griller of the Holy Sandwich recognized a pattern that made her think it was a face. She then supplied the fictional association with the fictional virgin, but how did she know?
Like everything else associated with the ancient fairy tales of Abraham, this story has only one little snippet of truth that we can rely on, there really was a grilled cheese sandwich.
Technorati Tags: pareidolia, catholicism, fairy tales, grilled cheese sandwiches, virgin mary
In August 2006 a Chicago area woman afflicted with Catholicism perceived the image of the Virgin Mary on the bottom of the carapace of her pet turtle.
Dolly Fordyce, 58, said: "I thought we were going crazy the first time I saw it. I looked at it and said, 'It can't be.' But then I looked again. I mean, you can't deny it."
Mrs Fordyce may be mistaken. It is actually very easy to deny that this marking on the bottom of a turtle is an apparition of some fictional virginal Mommy of a non-existent deity.
Let's hope she has plenty of dead flies to feed to the Holy Mother of God.
Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, pet turtles, mass hysteria, Catholicism
In an effort to promote The Sanctity of Hymens, the Blessed Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once yelled "Yes!" while some disgusting pig man was sliding the whole thing into her poontang, She, in Her Mercy, has caused a green seedless grape to rot and begin smelling like an unpenetrated hymen to inspire virginity among undocumented agricultural harvesters who pick grapes to give praise to Jeebus. At least that is what they are saying.
Usually grapes are just food, people eat them. Of course grapes can also be used to make wine if you do not have any deity around to auto-convert fluoridated city water into wine for you. But in this startling case a woman that was not even afflicted with Roman Catholic religious delusions discovered this unmistakable message from a fictional virgin believed to be the virginal mother of a half god half man edible deity. Becky Ginn of Arlington Texas suffers from Baptist-flavor religious delusions, and is not a Catholic at all. But apparently Ms Ginn does believe that virgin women can have babies without the direct intervention of a fertility doctor.
The grapes were rotten, and Ms Ginn was about to throw them in the trash, when she recognized on one rotten grape the image of a woman she had never met. It's funny that nobody who has never met regular people recognizes their image on a grape. It seems that a person needs to have a perfectly virginal and unpenetrated hymen before grape appearances become possible.
Much can be said about the amazing visual pattern recognition skills of Ms Ginn, most people would not be so easily able to recognize a person they had never met or even seen in an actual photograph.
Let this grape serve as an inspiration for all undocumented immigrant farm workers who pick grapes for below minimum wages and are constantly in fear of some Republican candidate exploiting their marginal situation for political gain, and let the lesson be - save the rotten grapes to sell on eBay.
Technorati Tags: holy grape, hymen, virgin mary, divine fruit, pareidolia, Texas, catholic, immigrant farm workers, undocumented aliens, fictional virgins
[ED comment: For nearly a year now we have diligently researched and ridiculed over 40 supposed sightings of an alleged virgin claimed to be the mother of an imaginary ancient Jewish super pal. This one is just for fun.]
During the pagan winter festival celebrated every year at the winter solstice, and famously hijacked by Christianity a long time ago, a new sighting of the Virgin Mary was reported in the famous European city of Amsterdam.
It was during a Pink Christmas party thrown by the Amsterdam City Council that the famous ancient virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, made an appearance seeming to look just like the local drag performer Miss Wendy. (S)he was pretty hot too!
A male entertainer known as Wendy Mills posed as Mary in a blonde wig and high-heeled black boots and holding a plastic doll. Another man played Joseph in black leather trunks and a silver shawl.
The five-person manger scene was staged off the street, in the courtyard of a nightclub. Visitors were invited to be photographed with the group. The first was 3-month-old Lily Pink Albers, Mills' niece.
Of course some people famously can't take a joke, and it seems that all of them think an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is on their side. In fact people suffering from Jeebus-brand religious delusions were a wee bit upset about the manger display. The paradoxically named group Christians for Truth was apparently quite upset, although Creationists for Science had no comment.
Tee hee. (story)
Technorati Tags: Hymen, Virgin Mary, Marian Apparition, Holy Mary Mother of God, Jeebus, Jesus, Virgin Birth, Miss Wendy, drag, Christians for Truth
Miraculous Virgin Mothers seem to be popping up all over the place. In Southern California a worker at a candy factory who admits she believes in ancient fairy tales discovered a miraculous Virgin Mary Dildo that was made out of 100% pure chocolate.
Don't you just wonder if it melts in your butt, not in your hands?
And does this miracle bring new meaning to the expression fudgepacker?
Who knows, it could lead to a whole new trend in eating out!
Read about it at MSNBC. And keep in mind, your sarcastic comments are always welcome here, but try not to type with your butt full.
Speaking of butts, does anybody know about any cases of Virgin Mary bowel movements being sighted by devoutly religious folks? I guess in a case like that you'd probably not want to flush before the eBay auction closes.
Technorati Tags: pareidolia, virgin mary, apparition, chocolate, dildo, sex toys
A gentleman from Pocatello Idaho recently obtained a stone in Las Vegas, and upon returning home he began to polish the very attractive stone. Soon a pattern began to emerge and the gentleman imagined he was seeing the image of the 2,000 year old allegedly virgin mother of a super pal from invisible space behind the sky whose mommy, the gal in the stone, supposedly had an intact hymen that had never been pushed aside by a rock hard penis intent on penetrating her warm, fictional cavity. Some invisible sky ghost supposedly raped her, and she allegedly got pregnant with a super baby, just so humans could kill her super-powered son in order to persuade his Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy to forgive us, because, after all, we did kill his son for Him. This all makes sense, right?
Sergio Romero had never met this fictional virgin, and since she is an invention no one else had either. This did not discourage the gentleman from recognizing the image of a supposed virgin that neither he nor any other human being had ever seen.
Apparently the stone has had such a profoundly spiritual effect on Mr Romero that he intends to sell it on eBay to the gullible fool willing to waste the most cash. Truly, there is one born every minute. Imagine owning your own polished stone featuring a virginal vagina that never once took the whole thing, with a pure mineral intact hymen to prove it! Bid now, someone else may be more gullible than you are.
Technorati Tags: Virgin, marian apparition, mother of god, hail mary, holy mary mother of god, hymen, blessed virgin, pareidolia, Imaginary virgins, imaginary deities, chumps, hymen, eBay
An Italian Catholic church custodian is on trial in Forli, Italy for committing religious fraud. If only this was a new trend!
Of course uttering the phrase religious fraud is as redundant as saying Republican liar, but in this case the fraud was so far over the top that even the Roman Catholic Church did not exploit it for financial gain. It seems that in this case the fraud was initially successful, allowing people who wanted to believe that an underage teenage child was raped by the creator of the universe to regard the fraud as proof of their completely delusional beliefs.
Two things are different in this case. First is that the perpetrator of this religious fraud was actually caught. The second difference is that the fraud became public knowledge. It seems as though the Catholic Church really is losing control over the government of Italy. An actual criminal prosecution of a religious huckster, especially the Roman Catholic brand of huckster, would have been completely unheard of back in the days when the Catholic Church was playing footsie with the Nazis.
This seems to be another case of fraud surrounding the Imaginary Virgin Mother (already fraudulent in this first place) of an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy (completely anthropomorphic and fictitious) that raped his own mother before he was born, but she never even once had sex, honest, cross my fingers and all.
Flocks of curios[sic] people hurried to Santa Lucia Church in March 2006 to take a look at the statue after several elderly female churchgoers said they saw red drops on its face.
Perhaps the fact that a person already believes in preposterous yarns make it that much easier for them to accept additional ridiculous claims.
Technorati Tags: Vincenzo Di Costanzo, Forli, Italy, Fraud, Virgin Mary, statue, blood, tears, Santa Lucia Church, apparition, miracle, Catholic Church, weeping madonna
