When a person who was pre-infected with beliefs in a fictional virgin noticed a vaguely vagina shaped wound in the bark of a tree he was already predisposed to recognize the non-existent virgin nobody has ever seen. After all, there is a shape there!
The tree, located in West New York, NJ, was just minding its own business, when some Catholic came along and knew right away that this spot where a branch had obviously once been (duh) was a miracle.
Let’s not let the fact that the Catholic who recognized virgin mommy had never seen her in person interfere with our willingness to believe an obviously preposterous claim.
Note to Catholics: your failure to accurately perceive objective reality is very amusing. Keep it up.
People in New Zealand who already believe in a fictional virgin who allegedly gave birth to an Imaginary Deity who had intelligently designed their species 4,000 years earlier are convinced they can see the face of a fictitious woman they never saw and therefore could not possibly recognize in the dried remnants of a cup of coffee in the bottom of a mug.
The mere fact that they never saw this supposed woman is not sufficient to reduce their certainty that they are, in fact, viewing the image of a female parent whose Blessed Vagina and Holy Hymen were bnever once parted by the intrusion of a rock hard tube of man meat. Not even once! We bring you
Although she is clearly black, this Holy Caffeine Bearing Apparition obviously never had any cream! It should not be too hard to find this item on eBay, just search for Virgins in the Gullible Merchandise section.
In May of 1997 persons who already believed a fictional virgin had given birth to an imaginary deity in a long ago land of make believe imagined they could recognize the image of a fictitious character they had never seen in the first place in a wound on a tree in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Since none of these persons with keen imaginations had ever met this supposed virgin mother in the first place, no photographs of her have ever existed, and she herself never existed, one does not need to be a rocket scientist to reach the conclusion it was simply another example of the urgent need some people feel to believe in total falsehoods based on a complete lack of evidence.
Some people have only a fuzzy concept of the boundaries between their mind and objective reality. We call these people the faithful. When one such person imagines that an ordinary object is actually an appearance of a fictional long dead character the total lack of any rational basis for this belief satisfies their requirement for proof. If it can’t be real, it is not there, it could not be there, and they are just imagining it – we have all of the required ingredients for a Miracle of Faith.
And so it was in Salt Lake City when a vaguely vagina-shaped wound on a tree became evidence of the existence of a 2,000 year old virgin mother whose naughty bits had never once been penetrated by a rock hard strap on attached to another girl, or even by one of those horrid naught bits that men have. Her perfectly virginal vagina, with intact hymen, did ooze a little liquid about once a month, a liquid that seemed oddly like the tree sap that might ooze from an ordinary tree where a branch had been cut.
Since there is absolutely no evidence this was really a 2,000 year old virgin mommy, local Catholics were convinced this was really a 2,000 year old virgin mommy. After all the lack of any evidence is an underlying theme shared by all religious dogma, so the lack of evidence was all the proof that Catholics required to be sure this proves everything!
Sort of gives new meaning to the word sap.
The South Pacific nation of Samoa recently switched from driving on the right to driving on the left. Since that has absolutely nothing at all to do with non-existent virgin mothers of fictional deities, people in Samoa who are afflicted with ridiculous religious delusions therefore believe this obvious water stain on the wall of a church is an Apparition of The Holy Virgin Mary, Mother of God, with Perfectly Intact Virginal Hymen. A so-called Marian Apparition, a message from Jeebus’ Mommy, saying, “Oy! watch out with that car, dodo head.” Or maybe it means that her son can see you masturbating. Or it could be just mineral deposits left behind by rainwater, but that’s just a guess that is consistent with the available facts.
The question is “How dumb do you have to be to see a fictional virgin in water marks on a wall?” and the answer is “Catholic.”
We are used to hearing these silly stories from Mexico, Texas, and other areas with a high concentration of people exposed to Mexican culture and superstitions. This is the first case to reach our attention from a Pacific island nation. A New Zealand newspaper says
A week after Samoans prayed en masse for a safe switch to driving on the left, a vision of the Virgin Mary has appeared.
It is also true that this apparition happened about a week after I made that big pot of black bean soup and ended up farting like a racehorse all night. Could it be that the alleged virgin wants me to cut back on the beans, but she missed Palm Springs by about 7,000 miles?
What we have here is an obvious case of pareidolia. People see things they believe exist. People are especially prone to recognize human faces and figures in random patterns of swirls. This is not some mystical virgin with intact hymen and a super-baby, it’s a freekin’ stain on a wall. Jeebus! Like many other such sightings there is a vague resemblance to the shape of a vagina.
In Bryant Texas a bird recently shat upon the rear view mirror of a truck owned by a man afflicted with ridiculous ancient superstitions about invisible super pals and virgin mommies. Because of his pre-existing affliction with completely idiotic fairy tales the gentleman perceived that the vagina-shaped smear of bird feces on his mirror was actually a miraculous apparition of a 2,000 year old virgin who never once took the whole thing, yet somehow gave birth to the deity that had created the Earth 4,000 years earlier. I am, like, so sure.
As is often the case with Marian Apparitions, this bird shit stain is roughly the same shape as a human vagina, and in this case the puzzle is determining if you can see the perfectly intact virginal hymen waiting so deliciously between the luscious, juicy labia of her super-virgin vagina.
One wonders if the bird that shat this holy shit was itself chosen for its sexual purity to be the virgin shitter of a virgin shit stain?
The Pachuca family says an image on their pickup truck is a miracle. The image, that came in an unlikely form of a bird dropping, appeared Sunday July 12. That was the first time Salvador Pachuca had been back to the home since having an accident there four months ago.
Sorry, sir, with all due respect, it looks like nothing more than a shit stain to me.
People in Limerick Ireland whose critical thinking skills may already be subject to some doubt based on their ludicrous religious delusions have convinced themselves and each other that the tree stump shown here is really a 2,000 year old underaged Virgin mother who was raped by an invisible super pal of Casper the Ghost.
As the fairy tale goes, the invisible super ghost somehow injected his super sperm into the tree stumps hot juicy love canal without tampering with her blessed virginity.
Normally these preposterous claims of virgin mothers making surprise cameo appearances that only people afflicted with ridiculous beliefs can recognize involve at least some sort of an image that vaguely resembles the Holy Vagina with Intact Hymen. But this ugly tree stump looks just like an ugly tree stump.
Still, with all of the reports in Ireland of hundreds of priests raping children, we’re sure the Holy Roman Boy Rape Church is delighted with this silly distraction.
Some time ago a lawn mower propelled a rock which struck a window in the home of Greg and Debbie Sapp in Jesup, GA.
The rock damaged the outer glass of the dual pane window allowing the exchange of air and eventually creating a vagina-shaped mark on the inside of the window. It’s a miracle! How else can you explain the fact that a stain much like other stains in other defective dual pane windows appeared in a roughly vagina shaped form at the home of a family already afflicted with preposterous ancient superstitions about a pregnant virgin giving birth to a son who made her pregnant and was his own son, his own dad, and let’s not even think about the grandfather. God the Father, God the Son, God the Virgin Child Molester – patron saint of Catholic Priests.
Pareidolia is the psychological phenomenon that manifests itself in the strong tendency of the human mind to recognize shapes that are not there. In prehistoric times, when virgins seldom got pregnant or manifested themselves inside storm windows, it may have been very useful for human vision to be especially keen at recognizing the face of a tiger lurking behind that bush over there. So evolution may have favored those primates that were especially keen at quickly recognizing a familiar face, shape, or virgin bride who never once had a stiff, hard penis thrusting powerfully in and out of her hot, juicy love canal.
Seriously though, if you were the first one in your tribe to recognize a predator about to pounce you might have had better odds of living long enough to reproduce, thus giving your tendency to recognize vague shapes better odds of being passed on.
This does not mean that every time a human mind recognizes something familiar to their imagination in a nearby object that the face or shape recognized is really there. It does seem as though only people who think this imaginary ancient mother of a popular fictional character never took the whole thing – those folks are the ones who see her in defective window panes.
And it’s nice when rational people have another good reason to ridicule preposterous ancient fairy tales. At least, we enjoy it. If the Virgin Mary gave some hot looking guy a really great blow job she would still be a virgin, right? It’s all about a penis going into a vagina, which, makes me wonder why so many Catholic priests speak so highly of this innocent vagina-pure imaginary lady, I mean, she was never even an altar boy.
In the small town of Calexico, a Sonoran desert town on the border of California and Mexico, persons who were already afflicted with ridiculous Catholic-brand religious delusions reported a miraculous Marian apparition on a restaurant grill that was being cleaned when a shape, vaguely phallic or reminiscent of a butt plug, appeared on the surface of the grill.
News reports of this “miracle” have cited the fact that Mexican wrestlers wearing masks believe the image is literally a 2,000 year old virgin who never once had a penis penetrate her vagina causing her virgin hymen to tear. Or it could be a penis. Or a butt plug. Like the ones you can buy at this website.
No doubt this miraculous appearance by the mother of a deity who was born so humans could kill him in an effort to persuade himself to forgive humans for killing him is related somehow to the recent H1N1 virus outbreak that threatens the menudo supply.
The tendency of the human mind to recognize faces in inanimate objects where they actually do not appear is called Pareidolia. We like it because it provides us ample opportunity to mock ridiculous ancient superstitions about virgin mommies with perfectly intact hymens whose impregnation provider was an invisible ghost who was not named Casper but lives in a sooper-seekrit hidden location behind the sky and is at least 6,000 years old.
When Mike Passchier of Powell River, British Columbia, Canuckistan saw this rock he saw a golden opportunity involving a potential eBay auction. Arguably Mike is either afflicted with religious delusions about virgin mothers that never once took the whole thing or he is at least familiar with these fairy tales.
My lovely husband, on the other hand, does not suffer from religious delusions at all, and he saw the lead character from the movie V for Vendetta.
If you firmly believe that no human penis ever thrust repeatedly in and out of the Sacred and Chaste Vagina Of the Virgin Mary, gaining speed, until finally with a loud cry, well you know… If you believe she got pregnant because an Invisible Ghost transported Super Sperm directly into her girly parts, well, you are perhaps likely to believe this stone is a sacred relic.
But please, try to keep your superstitions out of my civil rights.
A gentleman from Pocatello Idaho recently obtained a stone in Las Vegas, and upon returning home he began to polish the very attractive stone. Soon a pattern began to emerge and the gentleman imagined he was seeing the image of the 2,000 year old allegedly virgin mother of a super pal from invisible space behind the sky whose mommy, the gal in the stone, supposedly had an intact hymen that had never been pushed aside by a rock hard penis intent on penetrating her warm, fictional cavity. Some invisible sky ghost supposedly raped her, and she allegedly got pregnant with a super baby, just so humans could kill her super-powered son in order to persuade his Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy to forgive us, because, after all, we did kill his son for Him. This all makes sense, right?
Sergio Romero had never met this fictional virgin, and since she is an invention no one else had either. This did not discourage the gentleman from recognizing the image of a supposed virgin that neither he nor any other human being had ever seen.
Apparently the stone has had such a profoundly spiritual effect on Mr Romero that he intends to sell it on eBay to the gullible fool willing to waste the most cash. Truly, there is one born every minute. Imagine owning your own polished stone featuring a virginal vagina that never once took the whole thing, with a pure mineral intact hymen to prove it! Bid now, someone else may be more gullible than you are.
In Plymouth Michigan this week a gentleman who might seem to be afflicted with Catholic-brand religious delusions has convinced himself that he can see a 2,000 year old Virgin Mother with Perfectly Intact Hymen in a column of ice outside his mobile home. And of course if he imagines that he is recognizing a woman that he has never met and who quite likely never existed, then only his belief is required to convince a person who has already chosen to accept as true absolutely ridiculous ancient fairy tales of virgin births and infants with super powers inherited from their invisible Sky Daddy.
Lionel Gonzalez says “This is unbelievable” and on that one point we certainly do agree. We do not believe that frozen water in a Michigan mobile home park is a sign of divine intervention at the home of a highly suggestible fellow who is known to already believe completely fact-free fairy tales.
On our rating scale of Marian Apparitions, which starts at utterly preposterous and goes all the way up to laughably ridiculous, this very silly incident gets only utterly preposterous for a 1 on a scale of 1 to 5.
Looking at this columnar shaped piece of ice it only vaguely resembles the shape of a human vagina that has never once been penetrated by a stiff, manly, rock hard penis. You can’t even see her completely virginal and absolutely intact hymen. If this formation ever spawned we think it would just be ice cubes, and not divine sons of a super duper sky faerie sent here to be murdered by humans so that the angry, confrontational, temper-prone Sky Faerie Daddy can forgive us humans because at least we killed his Son.
Religious delusions aside, it’s just frozen water and nothing more. If Mister Gonzalez intends to sell this Holy Mary Mother of God Icicle on eBay he better get with it quickly before the weather warms up and she melts like the witch in The Wizard of Oz.
Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Ice, hymen, vagina, virgin, penis, Sky Faerie, Son of God, pareidolia, virgin mother, eBay, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Michigan, Plymouth, Lionel Gonzalez, penis, fairy tales, unbelievable
[ED comment: For nearly a year now we have diligently researched and ridiculed over 40 supposed sightings of an alleged virgin claimed to be the mother of an imaginary ancient Jewish super pal. This one is just for fun.]
During the pagan winter festival celebrated every year at the winter solstice, and famously hijacked by Christianity a long time ago, a new sighting of the Virgin Mary was reported in the famous European city of Amsterdam.
It was during a Pink Christmas party thrown by the Amsterdam City Council that the famous ancient virgin, with perfectly intact hymen, made an appearance seeming to look just like the local drag performer Miss Wendy. (S)he was pretty hot too!
A male entertainer known as Wendy Mills posed as Mary in a blonde wig and high-heeled black boots and holding a plastic doll. Another man played Joseph in black leather trunks and a silver shawl.
The five-person manger scene was staged off the street, in the courtyard of a nightclub. Visitors were invited to be photographed with the group. The first was 3-month-old Lily Pink Albers, Mills’ niece.
Of course some people famously can’t take a joke, and it seems that all of them think an Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy is on their side. In fact people suffering from Jeebus-brand religious delusions were a wee bit upset about the manger display. The paradoxically named group Christians for Truth was apparently quite upset, although Creationists for Science had no comment.
Tee hee. (story)
If you gave up on imaginary virgin mothers of imaginary deity babies with imaginary super powers for your New Years resolution, then read no further. In yet another highly boring imaginary tree trunk appearance, the Holy Virgin Mary Mother of God who never once took the whole thing into her perfectly pure and un-penetrated vagina with sacred intact hymen is now appearing on a tree in Scarborough, ON in Canada. We get a lot of these tree trunk apparitions because of the way that sap often oozes out of a wound on a tree, then disperses into a gradually widening pattern as gravity and rain wash it down the outside of the tree. With a wound on a tree, often from pruning, we get the nice round shape of a virgin head, or a clitoris, then as the sap from the tree wound spreads into a gradually widening pattern as it inches down the tree we get a shape that resembles a cape held open by a woman with a perfectly intact hymen, or the labia around a vagina.
It is perfectly obvious that this latest and unusually lame sighting is just a tree trunk, but for those desperate to find a sign of something they imagine is true it seems so tempting and inviting.
We do not know exactly why Catholics tend to obsesess so much on the status of God’s mommy’s honey pot, but they sure do love to brag about how she never once took the whole thing. Do you suppose that after the imaginary deity was allegedly born poor old Joseph got to play hide the sausage at all? Or did she get assumed directly up into heaven, as the frequently told tall tale goes, because her hymen was still intact and she never, ever, once got laid?
It sure does seem as though Catholics are inclined to recognize any natural shape that resembles a vagina as another Marian Apparition, very strange, it might mean something I suppose. Could it be Oedipal?
Technorati Tags: Marian Apparition, Virgin Mary, Mother of God, Virgin Birth, pareidolia, Intact Hymen, unpenetrated vagina, virginity, vulva, labia sexual purity, Scarborough, Ontario, Canada, Holy Maruy, woddy, virginity, sex, Jeebus, Baby Jesus, St Joseph
In the year 2002 Fort Pierce, Florida resident Pamela Latrimore was suffering from severe medical problems, despite the fact that she prayed every day to her Imaginary Bearded Sky Daddy and his Perfectly Holy Mommie with Unpenetrated Intact Virgin Hymen. But of course, nothing fails like prayer.
In the course of her medical treatment Pamela had an MRI scan. Six years later, when looking at a print of the MRI scan, her step-daughter, also afflicted with religious delusions, hallucinated an apparition of The Holy Virgin of MRI Scans and Virginal Vaginas.
Since her daily prayers have completely failed to improve her medical or financial situation, this imaginary sighting of the imaginary virgin mother of an imaginary invisible sky faerie will be offered for sale on eBay. There is, after all, one born every minute.
The victim of these delusions states that she feels as though she is dying. Without seeming to notice any contradiction she also states that she believes Jeebus has been listening to her prayers. Perhaps Jeebus is listening but just doesn’t care, he certainly has not cured the poor lady of any of her many medical problems or her obvious religious delusions.